Sometimes I find myself lost in a process of thought that brings me not just out of the present moment, but into an entirely different reality of "what to do next." In other words, an experience of evaluating my current status by determining what I am going to do, rather than what I am currently doing. Or even more accurately - how I am currently being. Funny how my mind does that! Trained to focus on the future, well versed in the language of then rather than now.  Ah! How often I catch myself overlooking the the sprouting dream seeds - of even more so, those that are already in full bloom - and feeling guilty or overwhelmed by what I have not yet accomplished.

As with everything, this is both a blessing and a lesson.  The sometimes youthfully expressed eager part of myself has a purpose indeed! She makes excellent, well organized, thoroughly doodled project lists which really DO help to organize the focused, centered and motivated part of myself.  Certainly I am full of dreams, passions and prayers.  Truly, My imagination is an infinite world of vibrant vision and limitless possibility and somehow this must translate into the physical world for it to mean anything or serve any practical purpose.  For me this is a process which includes both motivation and overwhelment (you'll not find this word in a dictionary, but I simply cannot bring myself to replace it.  It works.)  I experience a stage of pure excitment - YES! new inspiration! A bright, beautiful vision, fresh off the press not yet dimmed by insecurity and hesitation.  Not yet staled out by impatience and loss of focus.  Because for me, that's the next phase.  My excitement level generally correlates with the amount the feeling of urgency to see this vision through.  Immediately. No, I don't have time to actually DO any of this, I'm busy! Aren't we yet to the point where we can hold an intention in our consciousness and then POOF we have our dream come true!

Alas, both are true actually.  Because, at least in my experience, while I am caught up in this mental place of evaluating what I have not yet done in contrast to all I yearn to do,  life is unfurling.  Dreams are blooming into fruition, ideas are budding, and CREATE-ivity is becoming reality. Without the lense of what's next I am able to see what's now.  I am able to breathe present state of my reality which is, without exception, a complete reflection of what I have chosen to focus on.  My life is both a mirror and a map.  If I so choose, I can see exactly who I am, what is going on inside of me, and what may be blocking me or supporting me in my life.  I am also able to guide myself through the illusion of indecision, referring to the inner compass within me that is responsible for landing me into this present reality.  When I pay attention I can see the places I've been lost and the signs I followed which lead me astray.  Yes, my life is both a mirror and a map.

So this revelation and understanding brings me to the promise to myself that I will continue to do my best. I will continue to practice balance in the eager desire to create a perfect reality right now, with focused motivation and the vision of what I know I am here to create.  That would be peace, abundance, beauty and joy.  Yes humans, that is our....or I'll speak for myself, this is my purpose.  Everything else is simply a vessel for these energies and qualities to come through. I do believe, of course, that happiness breeds happiness, love cultivates love, and beauty grows beauty. 

Trusting in the now. Holding the vision of what is becoming.

I am returning. After a long hiatus, the muse has returned and the call to write and share has stirred.  While I considered starting a new blog, I realized that this story I am sharing here - A Journey of Awakening -  it isn't over.  I continue to wake up, learn and grow.  I continue to feel a strong urge to share what I am experiencing, practicing, learning, and the ways in which I believe we can continue to manifest the vision of a beautiful, abundant, healthy, life. In what I have been experiencing, it's actually so simple, almost too simple that people overlook it.  Maybe in search of a more profound, grandiose solution most folks seem to miss the obvious ways in which we can help, serve and contribute to a brighter future.  So I am inspired to share the simple ways in which I have been successful at creating abundance, healthfulness, happiness, and a fulfilling sense of contribution to the greater design.

The return to nature - in whatever small ways - is certainly a return to the harmony way. Sustainable farming methods seem to be of utmost importance at this time.  Many folks carry this wisdom and are empowering people with the knowledge of how to work in harmony with the land around them.  Sustainable communities where skills are valued just as much (if not more than) the dollar - a system where people don't need to be distracted by dieting techniques and gym memberships because the lifestyle of nature has us working, moving, breathing and eating in such a healthful way. No need to watch TV for entertainment (which only dilutes the mind with such over dramatized and biased "news") because the fascinating unfolding of nature is truly EPIC.   The more I return to the garden, the more I observe nature, the more simple it all becomes.  I need LESS to live more abundantly, comfortably, healthfully.

This wasn't always the case and my work within the money system taught me plenty.  My opportunities to create financial abundance outside the money system have been blessings and made it possible for me to begin creating a new life for myself. So no, I am not advocating for the quantum leap into a money-less paradigm.  Yet. Simply acknowledging the empowering experience of becoming abundant beyond financial status.  Becoming educated in the ways of nature makes it possible to be well fed, well sheltered and well cared for without relying so heavily on a quite fragile, unsustainable system of imported goods and services.  And as we refine and refine we become more and more resourceful, educated and self-sufficient and the dollar becomes less and less powerful.  Because honestly, money is boring. 

Politics bore me too. Perhaps this is because I don't understand the system. More likely though, it's because I haven't seen this system succeed in supporting what seems important and beneficial for the Life experience that I feel resonant with.  I am more inspired by self-motivated individuals who are willing to learn how to support themselves, rather than a population dependent on a select few to manage the bigger scheme.  And really, it does seem like one big scheme to me.  A pre-determinted, role-specific script that I am no longer interested in entertaining.  It's boring! It's repetitive and bleak.  What appeals to me is the bright hope of conscious individuals who carry the intelligence to execute certain intelligent ideas. 

What inspires me is nature.  The cycles of the moon, the flow of water, the sprouting of a seed, the fruiting of a tree.  Observing these things, and the other infinite rhythms of nature have so much to teach us.  In fact, all we need to know is held in the wisdom of nature, we simply must choose to pay attention. 

I believe in Hope.  I know that people simply cannot live, cannot thrive in the current circumstances that exist for most. The only direction to go is in the direction of the bright and beautiful vision of harmony, peace, abundance and happiness. Why not?

So from my perch here on the sacred slopes of Haleakala, I continue to burn the candle of Hope, hold the vibration of Peace and see the vision of harmony.  I continue to practice presence and listen to the inner and outer guidance. 

"The original definition of the word courage was to tell the story of you are with a whole heart" 

What am I hiding? From who? Why?

These questions have been rattling around in my head and my heart lately.  It seems that with each new place of expansion I find old parts of myself that are tight, constricted and closed.  Places where I am still holding on to something that no longer fits. Places where I have built walls to protect that which I am ashamed of. These tender spots of vulnerability sometimes surprise me, as I explore more deeply and expand more completely.  Reality checks for the Ego as I humbly see where I have neglected to love my Self.  Where I have accepted the conditioned belief that I am less-then and unworthy. Ah yes, I am realizing that to fully open to Love, I must fully love my Self and this means having the courage to reach in and touch these places; illuminating the illusion of not-good-enough-ness with the light of Truth and Purpose and Love. 

Illuminating the Game of Joy!

After a long time away may this inspiration and wisdom percolate the ego and hit the page unscathed.

 

I'm not hiding anymore.  I am emerging as who I am, brilliantly shining the Truth of my essence. My truth is Love.  My truth is Joy. My truth is Light. What is there to hide? Is it possible that somewhere within me there is the belief that I will actually hurt people by emanating from a place of pure love, joy and light?

It seems to me that, somehow the human race has accepted a reality of suffering and forgotten the reality of joy.  We bought into the idea that we came to this existence to experience hardship, to struggle.  In fact, it appears to me that many people perpetuate this illusion by chasing false hopes of fulfillment through a man-made culture that does not serve our true human potential.  Many have grown far from their roots, losing touch with their natural and instinctual needs and desires.  It seems that people are chasing happiness as if it doesn't already exist within them. People are seeking love, as if it isn't already alive within them.  People are yearning for a sense of connection, wholeness and fulfillment ~ all of which lay dormant inside their own hearts.

I have spend the past 8 months immersed in the abundance, beauty and bliss of the natural world.  Waking in the morning to the sound of the ocean, beginning my day in the garden and committed to practices that support my  vibrant health I have shed layers of old conditioning and beliefs that had me stuck in this same illusion of suffering. By diving deep into my own Self and exploring what is there, I have found that most of my discontent was seeded in the idea that I was less-than.  That I needed to earn happiness, earn joy, earn vibrant health.  I realize now that these virtues are in fact my birth right. Your birth right. Our birth right. We did not come into existence on this planet to suffer.  We did not come here to wallow in misery of any kind: lack, illness, anger. Just like the trees, the whales, the mountains, the bees, we came here to thrive.

Part of my wonders, WHY?? Why did we venture so far from a lifestyle, culture and enviornment that truly serves us in being vibrant, happy, and abundant? Why did we buy into the the idea that a world made of concrete, plastic and polyurethene would do anything for us that the perfectly designed system of Nature could not?

Yet, I realize that wallowing in the why is not moving me towards the light, anymore than continuing to buy water in plastic bottles. Instead, I choose to BE the change I wish to see. And I know, I know, that it is not just possible to re-connect with my roots and re-establish my relationship with my Divine nature - it's imperative. The world is in critcal imbalance at this time, and if we continue to support this culture of toxic lies, we will lose our place here on the planet. 

The Truth is that as we move closer in alignment with our natural being-ness by cleaning up our bodies, clearing our minds and opening our hearts, we are restoring balance to this planet.

In Light, Love & Lokahi


 

From Wichita, Kansas

Not knowing isn't a good enough reason for not doing.  A hard beginning isn't a good enough reason for never starting. A long time away isn't a good enough reason not to come back. So I come back. To a blank page, a blinking cursor and the daunting task of capturing my fleeting thoughts of clarity and transmuting them into inspiring and empowering food for thought.

After walking 320 miles from NY to D.C and now driving the 3000 from VA to CA I am at once saddened yet grateful to witness the state of human consciousness in this country.  It is time to wake up America.  Let us no longer choose a false reality of fear, hopelessness, uncomfortableness, unhealthiness, and unhappiness when we deserve to be deeply and richly confident, hopeful, comfortable, healthy, and happy.

Joseph Wilhelm, a food activist from Germany, stated, "Americans are so easy to manipulate." We go where they tell us to go, we do what they tell us to do, we eat what they tell us to eat.  We believe the barrage of lies they stream through the media into our homes and hearts. Sadly, we buy their lies with our money then complain that it's too expensive to buy organic food.

Alas, A three car garage isn't success.  A marriage isn't a symbol of true love. A bank account does not reflect one's abundance. Life isn't meant to be compartmentalized and organized. Life is meant to be lived. Outrageously and courageously LIVED. Let us no longer be distracted by cubicles, inboxes, stagnant relationships, upgrades, downloads, and the illusion that happiness comes with a price tag.

If you're wondering what to do, look around you.  There is no shortage of work.  Our paradigm needs shifting, our environment needs cleaning, our relations need healing, our children need to be loved, our gardens to be tended,  our rivers need to be protected. 

Life itself is enough to satiate, quench, nourish, inspire, awaken, educate, and provide.  I encourage you, I call to you, I beg you: begin to actively engage in the Life around you. Breathe deep, slow down, open up and let go. Participate in every moment with your utmost attention and energy.  Engage yourself deeply and completely in what is unfolding around you.  In this awake state of being, we are no longer susceptible to the false ideal of happiness, because we are in touch with the organic bliss that comes from being alive.We are not manipulated by the corporate machine, because we realize the importance of connectedness to ourselves, each other and Source. We are not driven by financial greed, because we understand that the Earth is naturally abundant and we are surrounded and supported by endless free energy.



The landscapes change, the temperature fluctuates, the faces diversify, one truth remains: it is time to wake up.

Slow down. Simplify. Surrender

What to say? The thoughts, emotions and experiences running through me, simply cannot be expressed with merely words.  On the brink of change, the tides shift beneath me as I stay present in my body.  The experience of change allows for the practice of maintaining my sense of conscious awareness. It's easy to lose that in the chaos.  As the bags get packed, unpacked and repacked; stuff gets shuffled about and given away.  My outer experience is being dismantled, uprooted and moved yet my inner Self stays centered, grounded and present. 

Each moment I am reminded to slow down. When I move too quickly, rather than accomplishing things faster, I lose sync with myself usually resulting in missing a step, forgetting something or losing something. I am reminded of a slogan my middle school gym teacher used to enforce, "speeding gets your no where fast." I slow down.

In slowing down I am more aware, seeing things I didn't notice in my haste. I see more clearly the things I do not need, and feel more consciously that which ways me down.  At a slower pace I am able to pare down, weed out and simplify.  I simplify.

As I slow down and simplify I notice this sense of freedom. I don't recognize it as freedom first, though. Initially I feel as though maybe I'm lacking something or missing out on something. It seems strange and unfamiliar to move at this pace and relinquish that which I've been holding on to for so long.  Yet, I soon begin to see that I have the ability and power to surrender.  Surrender my fears, surrender my expectations, surrender my doubt and surrender the need to control. Surrender into the natural flow that is slow and simple. I surrender

In this time of change, on the brink of all that is known and all which remains a mystery, I slow down, simplify and surrender.

Chasing freedom.

An interesting insight that moving offers, is the experience of life with less stuff.  As I pack up, I pare down and soon I am left with only the bare necessities.. This offers a sense of space in which I notice a simplicity that is both unfamiliar and calming. Fewer decisions to make, things available at an arms length. Less stuff around to complicate, crowd, and distract. This spacious simplicity fosters a feeling of freedom.

Ah yes, this reflection of my physical space mirrors the shifting that has been happening within my Self energetically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Noticing the "clutter" that has built up within me in the form of old beliefs, self-degrading conversations, and unhealthy patterns. Recognizing this unnecessary "stuff" I've been carrying around, and slowly allowing it to unhinge from within me. As I let go of this baggage, again I  notice a most delicious, exciting sense of freedom.

Throughout my journey I have found myself yearning for a sense of freedom.  I thought that this feeling of freedom would come when I finally had enough money.  Then when I had the money, I decided that what I lacked was enough time.  When I had all the time in the world, it seemed like what was holding me back were resources, geographical location, the right pair of shoes.  It seemed that Freedom was something that continued to slip from within my reach, the path always blocked. 

As I take a moment to reflect, I realize that Freedom has been here all along. The money, time, resources, and other excuses, were just different versions of fear. What I see now is that Freedom is not having, Freedom is surrendering into the simple Truth that everything we need is within. Freedom sprouts when we remove the clutter in our physical, emotional and spiritual realms, and drop into the current of Natural, Divine flow. Here and now we are already free.