Sometimes I find myself lost in a process of thought that brings me not just out of the present moment, but into an entirely different reality of "what to do next." In other words, an experience of evaluating my current status by determining what I am going to do, rather than what I am currently doing. Or even more accurately - how I am currently being. Funny how my mind does that! Trained to focus on the future, well versed in the language of then rather than now.  Ah! How often I catch myself overlooking the the sprouting dream seeds - of even more so, those that are already in full bloom - and feeling guilty or overwhelmed by what I have not yet accomplished.

As with everything, this is both a blessing and a lesson.  The sometimes youthfully expressed eager part of myself has a purpose indeed! She makes excellent, well organized, thoroughly doodled project lists which really DO help to organize the focused, centered and motivated part of myself.  Certainly I am full of dreams, passions and prayers.  Truly, My imagination is an infinite world of vibrant vision and limitless possibility and somehow this must translate into the physical world for it to mean anything or serve any practical purpose.  For me this is a process which includes both motivation and overwhelment (you'll not find this word in a dictionary, but I simply cannot bring myself to replace it.  It works.)  I experience a stage of pure excitment - YES! new inspiration! A bright, beautiful vision, fresh off the press not yet dimmed by insecurity and hesitation.  Not yet staled out by impatience and loss of focus.  Because for me, that's the next phase.  My excitement level generally correlates with the amount the feeling of urgency to see this vision through.  Immediately. No, I don't have time to actually DO any of this, I'm busy! Aren't we yet to the point where we can hold an intention in our consciousness and then POOF we have our dream come true!

Alas, both are true actually.  Because, at least in my experience, while I am caught up in this mental place of evaluating what I have not yet done in contrast to all I yearn to do,  life is unfurling.  Dreams are blooming into fruition, ideas are budding, and CREATE-ivity is becoming reality. Without the lense of what's next I am able to see what's now.  I am able to breathe present state of my reality which is, without exception, a complete reflection of what I have chosen to focus on.  My life is both a mirror and a map.  If I so choose, I can see exactly who I am, what is going on inside of me, and what may be blocking me or supporting me in my life.  I am also able to guide myself through the illusion of indecision, referring to the inner compass within me that is responsible for landing me into this present reality.  When I pay attention I can see the places I've been lost and the signs I followed which lead me astray.  Yes, my life is both a mirror and a map.

So this revelation and understanding brings me to the promise to myself that I will continue to do my best. I will continue to practice balance in the eager desire to create a perfect reality right now, with focused motivation and the vision of what I know I am here to create.  That would be peace, abundance, beauty and joy.  Yes humans, that is our....or I'll speak for myself, this is my purpose.  Everything else is simply a vessel for these energies and qualities to come through. I do believe, of course, that happiness breeds happiness, love cultivates love, and beauty grows beauty. 

Trusting in the now. Holding the vision of what is becoming.

I am returning. After a long hiatus, the muse has returned and the call to write and share has stirred.  While I considered starting a new blog, I realized that this story I am sharing here - A Journey of Awakening -  it isn't over.  I continue to wake up, learn and grow.  I continue to feel a strong urge to share what I am experiencing, practicing, learning, and the ways in which I believe we can continue to manifest the vision of a beautiful, abundant, healthy, life. In what I have been experiencing, it's actually so simple, almost too simple that people overlook it.  Maybe in search of a more profound, grandiose solution most folks seem to miss the obvious ways in which we can help, serve and contribute to a brighter future.  So I am inspired to share the simple ways in which I have been successful at creating abundance, healthfulness, happiness, and a fulfilling sense of contribution to the greater design.

The return to nature - in whatever small ways - is certainly a return to the harmony way. Sustainable farming methods seem to be of utmost importance at this time.  Many folks carry this wisdom and are empowering people with the knowledge of how to work in harmony with the land around them.  Sustainable communities where skills are valued just as much (if not more than) the dollar - a system where people don't need to be distracted by dieting techniques and gym memberships because the lifestyle of nature has us working, moving, breathing and eating in such a healthful way. No need to watch TV for entertainment (which only dilutes the mind with such over dramatized and biased "news") because the fascinating unfolding of nature is truly EPIC.   The more I return to the garden, the more I observe nature, the more simple it all becomes.  I need LESS to live more abundantly, comfortably, healthfully.

This wasn't always the case and my work within the money system taught me plenty.  My opportunities to create financial abundance outside the money system have been blessings and made it possible for me to begin creating a new life for myself. So no, I am not advocating for the quantum leap into a money-less paradigm.  Yet. Simply acknowledging the empowering experience of becoming abundant beyond financial status.  Becoming educated in the ways of nature makes it possible to be well fed, well sheltered and well cared for without relying so heavily on a quite fragile, unsustainable system of imported goods and services.  And as we refine and refine we become more and more resourceful, educated and self-sufficient and the dollar becomes less and less powerful.  Because honestly, money is boring. 

Politics bore me too. Perhaps this is because I don't understand the system. More likely though, it's because I haven't seen this system succeed in supporting what seems important and beneficial for the Life experience that I feel resonant with.  I am more inspired by self-motivated individuals who are willing to learn how to support themselves, rather than a population dependent on a select few to manage the bigger scheme.  And really, it does seem like one big scheme to me.  A pre-determinted, role-specific script that I am no longer interested in entertaining.  It's boring! It's repetitive and bleak.  What appeals to me is the bright hope of conscious individuals who carry the intelligence to execute certain intelligent ideas. 

What inspires me is nature.  The cycles of the moon, the flow of water, the sprouting of a seed, the fruiting of a tree.  Observing these things, and the other infinite rhythms of nature have so much to teach us.  In fact, all we need to know is held in the wisdom of nature, we simply must choose to pay attention. 

I believe in Hope.  I know that people simply cannot live, cannot thrive in the current circumstances that exist for most. The only direction to go is in the direction of the bright and beautiful vision of harmony, peace, abundance and happiness. Why not?

So from my perch here on the sacred slopes of Haleakala, I continue to burn the candle of Hope, hold the vibration of Peace and see the vision of harmony.  I continue to practice presence and listen to the inner and outer guidance. 

"The original definition of the word courage was to tell the story of you are with a whole heart" 

What am I hiding? From who? Why?

These questions have been rattling around in my head and my heart lately.  It seems that with each new place of expansion I find old parts of myself that are tight, constricted and closed.  Places where I am still holding on to something that no longer fits. Places where I have built walls to protect that which I am ashamed of. These tender spots of vulnerability sometimes surprise me, as I explore more deeply and expand more completely.  Reality checks for the Ego as I humbly see where I have neglected to love my Self.  Where I have accepted the conditioned belief that I am less-then and unworthy. Ah yes, I am realizing that to fully open to Love, I must fully love my Self and this means having the courage to reach in and touch these places; illuminating the illusion of not-good-enough-ness with the light of Truth and Purpose and Love. 

Illuminating the Game of Joy!

After a long time away may this inspiration and wisdom percolate the ego and hit the page unscathed.

 

I'm not hiding anymore.  I am emerging as who I am, brilliantly shining the Truth of my essence. My truth is Love.  My truth is Joy. My truth is Light. What is there to hide? Is it possible that somewhere within me there is the belief that I will actually hurt people by emanating from a place of pure love, joy and light?

It seems to me that, somehow the human race has accepted a reality of suffering and forgotten the reality of joy.  We bought into the idea that we came to this existence to experience hardship, to struggle.  In fact, it appears to me that many people perpetuate this illusion by chasing false hopes of fulfillment through a man-made culture that does not serve our true human potential.  Many have grown far from their roots, losing touch with their natural and instinctual needs and desires.  It seems that people are chasing happiness as if it doesn't already exist within them. People are seeking love, as if it isn't already alive within them.  People are yearning for a sense of connection, wholeness and fulfillment ~ all of which lay dormant inside their own hearts.

I have spend the past 8 months immersed in the abundance, beauty and bliss of the natural world.  Waking in the morning to the sound of the ocean, beginning my day in the garden and committed to practices that support my  vibrant health I have shed layers of old conditioning and beliefs that had me stuck in this same illusion of suffering. By diving deep into my own Self and exploring what is there, I have found that most of my discontent was seeded in the idea that I was less-than.  That I needed to earn happiness, earn joy, earn vibrant health.  I realize now that these virtues are in fact my birth right. Your birth right. Our birth right. We did not come into existence on this planet to suffer.  We did not come here to wallow in misery of any kind: lack, illness, anger. Just like the trees, the whales, the mountains, the bees, we came here to thrive.

Part of my wonders, WHY?? Why did we venture so far from a lifestyle, culture and enviornment that truly serves us in being vibrant, happy, and abundant? Why did we buy into the the idea that a world made of concrete, plastic and polyurethene would do anything for us that the perfectly designed system of Nature could not?

Yet, I realize that wallowing in the why is not moving me towards the light, anymore than continuing to buy water in plastic bottles. Instead, I choose to BE the change I wish to see. And I know, I know, that it is not just possible to re-connect with my roots and re-establish my relationship with my Divine nature - it's imperative. The world is in critcal imbalance at this time, and if we continue to support this culture of toxic lies, we will lose our place here on the planet. 

The Truth is that as we move closer in alignment with our natural being-ness by cleaning up our bodies, clearing our minds and opening our hearts, we are restoring balance to this planet.

In Light, Love & Lokahi


 

From Wichita, Kansas

Not knowing isn't a good enough reason for not doing.  A hard beginning isn't a good enough reason for never starting. A long time away isn't a good enough reason not to come back. So I come back. To a blank page, a blinking cursor and the daunting task of capturing my fleeting thoughts of clarity and transmuting them into inspiring and empowering food for thought.

After walking 320 miles from NY to D.C and now driving the 3000 from VA to CA I am at once saddened yet grateful to witness the state of human consciousness in this country.  It is time to wake up America.  Let us no longer choose a false reality of fear, hopelessness, uncomfortableness, unhealthiness, and unhappiness when we deserve to be deeply and richly confident, hopeful, comfortable, healthy, and happy.

Joseph Wilhelm, a food activist from Germany, stated, "Americans are so easy to manipulate." We go where they tell us to go, we do what they tell us to do, we eat what they tell us to eat.  We believe the barrage of lies they stream through the media into our homes and hearts. Sadly, we buy their lies with our money then complain that it's too expensive to buy organic food.

Alas, A three car garage isn't success.  A marriage isn't a symbol of true love. A bank account does not reflect one's abundance. Life isn't meant to be compartmentalized and organized. Life is meant to be lived. Outrageously and courageously LIVED. Let us no longer be distracted by cubicles, inboxes, stagnant relationships, upgrades, downloads, and the illusion that happiness comes with a price tag.

If you're wondering what to do, look around you.  There is no shortage of work.  Our paradigm needs shifting, our environment needs cleaning, our relations need healing, our children need to be loved, our gardens to be tended,  our rivers need to be protected. 

Life itself is enough to satiate, quench, nourish, inspire, awaken, educate, and provide.  I encourage you, I call to you, I beg you: begin to actively engage in the Life around you. Breathe deep, slow down, open up and let go. Participate in every moment with your utmost attention and energy.  Engage yourself deeply and completely in what is unfolding around you.  In this awake state of being, we are no longer susceptible to the false ideal of happiness, because we are in touch with the organic bliss that comes from being alive.We are not manipulated by the corporate machine, because we realize the importance of connectedness to ourselves, each other and Source. We are not driven by financial greed, because we understand that the Earth is naturally abundant and we are surrounded and supported by endless free energy.



The landscapes change, the temperature fluctuates, the faces diversify, one truth remains: it is time to wake up.

Slow down. Simplify. Surrender

What to say? The thoughts, emotions and experiences running through me, simply cannot be expressed with merely words.  On the brink of change, the tides shift beneath me as I stay present in my body.  The experience of change allows for the practice of maintaining my sense of conscious awareness. It's easy to lose that in the chaos.  As the bags get packed, unpacked and repacked; stuff gets shuffled about and given away.  My outer experience is being dismantled, uprooted and moved yet my inner Self stays centered, grounded and present. 

Each moment I am reminded to slow down. When I move too quickly, rather than accomplishing things faster, I lose sync with myself usually resulting in missing a step, forgetting something or losing something. I am reminded of a slogan my middle school gym teacher used to enforce, "speeding gets your no where fast." I slow down.

In slowing down I am more aware, seeing things I didn't notice in my haste. I see more clearly the things I do not need, and feel more consciously that which ways me down.  At a slower pace I am able to pare down, weed out and simplify.  I simplify.

As I slow down and simplify I notice this sense of freedom. I don't recognize it as freedom first, though. Initially I feel as though maybe I'm lacking something or missing out on something. It seems strange and unfamiliar to move at this pace and relinquish that which I've been holding on to for so long.  Yet, I soon begin to see that I have the ability and power to surrender.  Surrender my fears, surrender my expectations, surrender my doubt and surrender the need to control. Surrender into the natural flow that is slow and simple. I surrender

In this time of change, on the brink of all that is known and all which remains a mystery, I slow down, simplify and surrender.

Chasing freedom.

An interesting insight that moving offers, is the experience of life with less stuff.  As I pack up, I pare down and soon I am left with only the bare necessities.. This offers a sense of space in which I notice a simplicity that is both unfamiliar and calming. Fewer decisions to make, things available at an arms length. Less stuff around to complicate, crowd, and distract. This spacious simplicity fosters a feeling of freedom.

Ah yes, this reflection of my physical space mirrors the shifting that has been happening within my Self energetically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Noticing the "clutter" that has built up within me in the form of old beliefs, self-degrading conversations, and unhealthy patterns. Recognizing this unnecessary "stuff" I've been carrying around, and slowly allowing it to unhinge from within me. As I let go of this baggage, again I  notice a most delicious, exciting sense of freedom.

Throughout my journey I have found myself yearning for a sense of freedom.  I thought that this feeling of freedom would come when I finally had enough money.  Then when I had the money, I decided that what I lacked was enough time.  When I had all the time in the world, it seemed like what was holding me back were resources, geographical location, the right pair of shoes.  It seemed that Freedom was something that continued to slip from within my reach, the path always blocked. 

As I take a moment to reflect, I realize that Freedom has been here all along. The money, time, resources, and other excuses, were just different versions of fear. What I see now is that Freedom is not having, Freedom is surrendering into the simple Truth that everything we need is within. Freedom sprouts when we remove the clutter in our physical, emotional and spiritual realms, and drop into the current of Natural, Divine flow. Here and now we are already free.

Same place. Same time. New perspective.

Life goes by. Moments pass, experiences fade into what was, and suddenly here I am, standing in a place in time that I once looked forward to from another place in time. Or really, here I am standing in the present moment, a place I looked at from the present moment. How strange.  It seems that even as I turn the pages in my agenda book, or flip through the months on my calendar, I really am never anywhere else but right here, now. I plan and organize so that when I get there, I am ready.  But then when I get there, I realize I am still here.  Even as the sun sets & rises, all we have is here.  As the moon waxes and wanes, all we have is now. I realize, the only thing that truly changes is my state of mind. In this place in time, where I always am, I have a new perspective.

So perhaps what's new is actually not this place, not this time.  Perhaps, what is new is me.  What has changed is me. Maybe, time is only the illusion of Life happening to me. New parts of myself that are open. Other parts of myself that have unhinged and I no longer carry with me.  And perhaps I can surrender the feelings of needing more time, a different place.  I can surrender deeply into this moment.  Knowing, trusting that all I need is here, now. 

Falling is like this

Once I let go, I fell

into a place at once foreign and familiar.

A place where my heart speaks louder than my doubt.

Where my soul sings louder than my fear.

Once I let go, I fell

into alignment with my deepest self.

Old patterns recognized and removed.

Practicing, learning, growing, burning.

Once I let go, I fell.

Dropping ever more into a state of awareness

of my Self, my interactions, my conversations, my intentions.

Falling. 

Into Love.

Into Life.

Into Light.

It's time to let go, and fall.

A rant & rave.

My hope is  that we begin see beyond this eco-friendly, green gimmick that is being shoved down our throats as sustainable. To sustain something is to nourish it. To keep it alive.  More production and more consumption, even if it is toxic-free, organic, raw, or whatever the catchphrase of the week is, is not nourishing anything other than our egos. We tell ourselves we need this or that to stay warm, stay cool, stay blemish-free, stay awake, stay asleep.  We have fallen prey to the illusion that the thing outside of ourselves will bring us peace, fulfillment and love. As an industrialized, "advanced" society, we are enslaved to the vicious and aggressive cycle of production and consumption that is zapping our resources, destroying habitats, and bringing us more and more out of balance with Nature.

 I don't believe it's always been this way, in fact I think there are still many cultures that live in harmony with Earth instead of constantly disrupting and destroying it. As an industrialized society, we view these cultures as primitive, underdeveloped perhaps.  Yet take a another look and maybe we'll notice the ways in which their simple, natural and ancient approach to life here on Earth offers a sense of abundance, joy and peace that we don't come close to here in this Country (or other parts of the industrialized world). 

It seems to me that we are in fact the primitive culture. We are so reliant on things, so dependent on a consistent level of comfort, that we have completely abandoned our basic survival instincts that play a crucial role in helping to recognize what is good for us and what will bring us harm. Christ, many people do not even understand the process their food underwent to make it to their plate. We have gotten so wrapped up in a material world of commerce, that we continue to neglect any accountability for how our actions affect those around us including not just people, but animals, trees, the air we breathe and the water we drink.

Instead, we invest our energy and our money into perpetuating the destruction. The lifestyle of a typical Industrialized culture is counter productive in terms of sustainability, health, environmental preservation, and attaining a sense of peace and harmony. Violence will not get us there. Money will not get us there. Greed will not get us there. As a society we need to learn to break our addictions to excess. Break our addictions to things. Break our addiction to bigger, faster, more. We need to wake up to the destruction we don't even realize we participate in.  


Truly, we are the younger brother, the primitive culture. For as a society, we have not yet learned to ride without our training wheels, not yet liberated from the attachments and addictions of a materialism, consumerism and industry. 


Alas, there is hope. We can learn from indigenous cultures, we can learn from nature, we can learn from the garden growing in our backyard.  The power of Mother Nature, the force of this Earth is readily available for us to tap into at any moment. 

A good starting place is being grateful.  I try to take a few moments out of my day, usually in the morning and in the evening, and share gratitude. Gratitude ushers in a higher level of awareness to the present moment, and when we are present in the now we are able to make conscious, healthy choices that support, nourish and sustain. 



Thank you and many blessings <3

 I am learning to Surrender. 

Surrender my worries about what others think.

Surrender the stories I've told myself for too long.

Surrender my expectations.

Surrender the patterns I've fallen into unconsciously.

Surrender the attempt to control, steer and manipulate.

Surrender the need to understand. 

Surrender my attachments to specific outcomes.

Surrender  the need to have and to hold on to things.

Surrender into the here and now.

Surrender into the my deepest and truest Self.

What is there when I let this all go? Space.

There is only now.

Sometimes I don't start things, 

because I don't know where I'll end up.

Sometimes I don't start things,

 because I'm afraid I'll get lost along the way. 

I stay here a few paces before start,

tossing the dice in my hand hoping for the perfect roll.

Unfolded in front of me
the gameboard of life.
But if I don't make a move
I know I can't make the wrong one.

It's time to go The voice whispers. 

It doesn't matter where you end up.

On this journey there is no such thing as lost. 

There is only now.

When we step beyond fear, we step into a realm where anything is possible. This new territory can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable at first.  There is so much space where we are used to feeling fear and doubt.  As we allow ourselves to fall into this newfound freedom, our ego-self reaches out to grab onto anything it can hold on to.  But we breathe. We remember that this is what our soul has been yearning for.  There are things we want to do, places we want to go, people we want to interact with - all that exist beyond the barriers our fears erected.  We have tired of running up against these walls in disappointment or doubt.  We are ready to bring these walls down and align with our deepest and truest self.  We are ready to step into our power.  

Doubt your doubts and they vanish.

Feel your fears and they fade.

Let go of your worries and they fail to materialize.

What will it take for us to really get it that life is about letting go?

-Baron Baptiste

Detachment does not mean isolation. It does not mean to be devoid of emotion or enjoyment.  Detachment means living with out attachments that hold us back from our living to our fullest potential.  Attachments to expectations, attachments to patterns, attachments to outcomes and results, attachments to the stories we tell ourselves, attachments to emotions.  We've carried this all around with us for so long, mostly unbeknownst to us. By recognizing these attachments, we can begin to see how they serve us.  Do they leave us feeling empty and disappointed? Do they keep us yearning for more; an insatiable quest for fulfillment? If so, it's time to let go. 

Most of our attachments are so ingrained is us we don't know they are there, and most of these attachments are rooted in fear.  When we take the time to explore where we hold on and why, we reclaim the power to create the reality we desire. 

Explore. Notice. Breathe. Surrender.  You have the power to create the reality you desire.  Your intentions are rooted in the Greater Good and by living to your fullest potential you are making the world a better place.  The time is now.  Step beyond fear into the limitless possibility of your deepest desires. 

What if we let go of fear?

What if we stepped beyond what we've always done?

What if we stopped telling ourselves the same stories?

What if we let go of where we've been and what we've done?

What if we let go of anger? Resentment? Hatred?

What if we let go of where we want to be and what we want to be doing next?

What's left?

Limitless possibility. 

The secret to life is to live without fear.

I recently learned how to ride my bike with no hands.  To some this may seem trivial, but I must ask...have you ever tried?! I have always been under the impression that riding with no hands was simply something I could not do.  I'd see people cruise by without holding on, looking so relaxed and comfortable and I'd think to myself, "it looks fun, I wish I could do that!" I did try a few times, with no success. I'd get going a comfortable speed, feel very balanced, but the time would come for me to let go of the handle bars and all of a sudden I got scared, and the slightest wobble had me back to a white-knuckle grip. 

Recently, I was sitting with a friend and an arms-free biker cruised by and I commented on how I wished I knew how to do that.  He laughed and said, "well of course you know how to do that. It's really no different than riding your bike holding on.  It's not a matter of balance, you just need to have the courage to let go."  Those words sparked something within me as I realized how often I am reminded what is possible when we have the courage to let go. The following morning as I biked into the sunrise, I decided I'd give it a shot.  I reminded myself that the only difference between hands on and hands off, was courage. I picked up some momentum, let go of the handlebars, and cruised for several blocks relishing in the feeling of CAN.

I find myself in the same inspired state of paralysis on my yoga mat.  I watch as other students gracefully glide up into Birds of Paradise, or fearlessly flip themselves upside down balanced on their heads.  I tell myself, "maybe someday I'll be able to do that. After more practice, once I become a really yogi. But I can't do that now, I'm not ready." Well, similar to my bike-riding breakthrough, something finally clicked within me. I had been attempting Crow Pose for a while, but still wasn't able to get both feet off the ground. I would be so close, and just as I was about to lift off I'd tell myself, "no! I can't! I'll fall forward, I'll break my wrists!" Once again, I would convince myself I can't. Finally, after class one day, I decided to ask for help.  I had always wanted to seek out some individual instruction, but again, always seem to come up with a reason not to - "I don't have time." "She's probably to busy." or "I don't want to be embarrassed when I still can't do it, even with the help."

Back in the studio, with no other students around, the place felt different. Still. I was guided through some preparation and then started to get into the posture.  I moved slowly and I listened to my body. I realized that Rachel, my kind teacher, had no doubt that I'd be able to get into the full pose.  She guided me confidently one step after the other, and I felt her confidence flood out my own fears. I placed my knees on my triceps, engaged my core, and tilted forward. Shifting my gaze in front of me, lifting one than both feet off the ground . Nothing hurt, I didn't fall. In fact, I felt completely amazing as my body took this shape for the first time.

What these moments of sheer and simple brilliance helped me to realize, is that often times we confuse our ability with our willingness. There really is nothing standing in our way of what we truly want, besides our own fears. However, we sometimes get caught up in the same old stories we've been telling ourselves our whole lives.  Stories rooted in old fears of failure, disappointment, or pain.  Stories that have etched themselves into such familiar grooves, that we don't even realize they are there. Friends, what I'd like to remind you is that you have the ability to change these stories.  There is no reason why we should convince ourselves to hold back.  No harm will ever come to us if we consciously choose to move beyond our edge, in the direction of something that will serve us to be better, stronger, kinder, more compassionate human beings. Learning to trust ourselves and our abilities is something we owe ourselves and each other! Imagine if everyone lived to their full potential?

Thus, the the secret to life is truly no secret at all. It is simply a state of mind. When we choose to stop listening to old beliefs and do that which we have not done before, we grow. Change. Inspire. Teach. Learn. 

You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to the world around you to live to your fullest, deepest potential.  Right now, in this moment you have everything you need to do whatever it is you want.  Trust yourself.  Have courage. Let go.

~With love and gratitude~

 There is a pleasantly rich wisdom in every moment, we are just usually too distracted to notice it. 

This evening I had a wild breakthrough while I was combing my hair out. I usually rush through this task,  taking a brush and yanking through the clumps of hair that have tied themselves together over the course of the day, pulling a lot of it out while I do this.  Tonight though as I picked up the comb I was reminded of a concept that has been weaving itself ever more deeply into my life: conscious awareness. Tich Nhat Hahn explains this with a beautiful example in his book, The Art of Power. He tells of his Guru asking him to go do him a favor, but when he opens the door to leave the room, his Guru calls him back and asks him to open the door again, but this time to do it open the door consciously. I had to really chew on this awhile, initially feeling like it was beyond me to attempt to bring such a level of conscious awareness into my life.  Things happen too fast! Even at a deliciously slow pace of life, I can still catch myself too distracted and busy to open doors consciously. Still, I tucked this piece of wisdom away and of course, it began to show up.  

Tonight, as I combed through my hair I decided to think about only that, combing through my hair.  I let go of anything else I had been doing up to that point and anything I would go on to do next. I relaxed most of my body, except the parts that I was using (arms, legs & core to stand). I focused on the simple task at hand, combing through my hair. With this very deep awareness, I actually had an entirely different experience with task. I found a sense of enjoyment out of pulling through each knot, slowly without yanking any hair out. I didn't think that was possible! I realized that by taking only little bits of hair at a time, the comb seamlessly pulls through the knots without pulling too hard and leaving all my hair attached. I continued that patter, of slow, conscious combing all the way around my head and finished with a soft, silky head of hair.

What I realized is that by cultivating a sense of conscious awareness to this very simple and routine task, helped me to slow down and actually enjoy what I was doing. This awareness helped me to recognize a pattern I sometimes fall into, which now that it has been brought into the light, I can practice shifting.

Maybe this all sounds a bit silly, getting so excited about combing my hair.  But let me tell you, when you're able to feel contentment and joy out of such a simple task as combing your hair, life can be a pretty blissful experience. When conscious awareness is cultivated into our every interaction, every movement through the day, our transitions from one task to the next and into the tasks themselves, only then do we start to become active participants in our own lives.  

I consciously and graciously choose to actively participate in the raw, authentic experience that life offers me . 

Only when we are completely present, can we be truly fulfilled. 

Slowly, clarity engulfs me.  Ebbing and flowing like the tides of the ocean, tickling the shores of my soul, reaching into the darkness, into the places I have felt confused, uncertain or insecure.

The places I have felt paralyzed by the unknown, are slowly being opened up into the light.  By choosing to turn within, the wisdom I have discovered has begun to answer the questions I have been carrying around for so long.

 In places I feel a lack of direction, I am navigated by this deep-seeded sense of guidance.  I realize more and more each day that by turning within myself, it all makes sense.  By giving my body, my mind and my spirit just what it needs - nothing more, nothing less- they come into balance and perform at the most optimal level.  When this balance tips, this is manifested in some feeling of discomfort, pain, or dissatisfaction. I notice these feelings without shame or guilt.  I take time to explore these feelings unattached to judgment of Self. 

The beauty of Nature, the beauty of Life, is that this force is always working to maintain balance. 

We can always come back to a state of balance. Balance in mind, body and spirit. Balance with the environment around us. And ahh, if we all worked to achieve this balance wouldn't this world be beautiful?

When we are aware, we are alive.

I've had the same screen saver on my desktop for almost a year.  It's a picture of the boys who lived at the orphanage in Nepal with Goma, the house mom.  They are lined up in the backyard, which was really a concrete lot with some dirt and patches of grass. I look at this picture every time I open my computer, yet I can't remember the last time I actually saw it. It happened tonight, without even meaning too.  I stopped for an extra second and took time to see t it.  I allowed myself to go back to those moments when I was there.  I felt the warm, moist air, heard the laughter, smelled the scent of burning garbage mixed with incense.  I looked at each of the faces in the picture; the uniqueness of each boy captured in the photograph. I realized that the boys probably look so much different now.  A year does a lot to you at 8 years old. A year. Can it be? These precious moments could have been easily missed had I not taken just one extra second to look.  This makes me wonder, if I applied this level of awareness to each of my interactions with the world around me, how different would my experience be? 

Driving up the coast of Southern Oregon recently I enjoyed delicious moments of clarity, as I shared deep gratitude for the beauty of Nature.  I was alone in the car and didn't have a camera on me.  I had no way of capturing the breathtaking views or someone else to share in the experience. I found myself completely present with each bend in the road, the rolling waves, the vast, turquoise Pacific.  There is no way to describe the feeling of being next to a tree that is 2000 years old. My words will not do justice the dramatic coastline dotted with sea stacks that mark a time long before the planet was in a state of such imbalance. There were times when it felt like I was the only human for miles and miles.  This evoked a feeling of safety and freedom, and at the same time was a bit overwhelming. I had lots of breakthroughs on this drive, my mind free to wander wherever it pleased and my soul feeling nourished and expansive.  Presently aware of the environment around me, not distracted by the task of attempting to capture it and hold on to it for later, I actually saw it. I felt it. I was there for it.  The wisdom of the trees, the power of the ocean, the perfection of nature; this system that exists in perfect harmony with every being that is a part of it.  This awareness that I chose to cultivate, allowed me to have a deeper, more intimate experience with what was unfolding around me.  Free of expectation, letting go of the worries that attempted to be a part of it, I saw the Divine in everything.  I was reminded of how blessed we are to be part of such a perfectly intricate system. This reminder washed away my petty concerns and replaced them with a sense of hope.  Hope for humanity. Hope for a time when we come together as one.  Hope for our children and future generations. Hope.

Awareness is a tool that will open your heart and awaken your mind.  Awareness is cultivated by being present in the Now. Finding a moment of stillness. Taking a conscious breath. Awareness will help us to not just look at what's around us, but to see it; not just hear what is going on around us, but to listen to it; not just be a part of what is unfolding around us, but to participate in it. We each have a very important role here, and if anyone has tried to convince you otherwise, it's time to shift that belief.  We each have an incredibly important job here on this planet.  As one of the most highly evolved species, we have done a piss-poor job taking care of our Earth. Taking care of ourselves for that matter.  We place this responsibility on others. Other systems, other people, other. Yet, the responsibility is our own.  To care for our bodies, our minds, our spirits and our planet.  By bringing awareness into your every moment, you will begin to find yourself caring at a level deeper and more rewarding than before.  Awareness is a huge part of rising consciousness, and at this point, with the planet in the state that it is in, we all need to be raising our consciousness.

Breathe. Awareness is a tool that is at your beckon call.  Use it wisely, use it often.

Journey with me...

I'm in a meadow on top of a hill.  It's sunny and warm and the grass is soft.  The sky is vibrant blue and there is a slight breeze that whispers through the surrounding trees.  From over the ledge of the hill I can see the tops of other hills and mountains in the distance, and as I take in the view I notice a set of stairs leading down the hill. The stairs are made of stone and they look worn and inviting. Without a seed of doubt I approach the top step.  From below I can hear the sound of the ocean and smell the salty air.  I feel the warmth swell up and take off some layers I feel are no longer necessary.  More comfortable, I step down another step.  Here I empty some parcels out of my bag to lighten my load.  With each step down I continue to peel off layers and unload my burdens until at the very bottom I am holding on to nothing and completely exposed.  The beach is bathed in an orange light as the sun hangs low over the horizon.  The sand is soft and as I walk to a place to sit down I leave small footprints.  The dramatic cliff behind me wraps around this beach creating a safe cove.  I am filled with a sense of being completely exposed while feeling deeply at peace. In this vast place of safety and trust I begin to pull from within me the thoughts, things, experiences, people, and places that cause me to feel tense. Nervous. Scared. Unworthy. Incapable. I take these pieces from within me and I spread them out on the sand around me.  With each piece the feelings accompanied with them surface as well. At first I feel myself contract and want to go racing back up the stairs where I never had to look at these things.  But I come back to my breath. The warmth of the sunshine. The sound of the waves. I feel myself open and relax.  Warm tears slide down my face and the feeling of relief rushes through me as I allow myself to just be.  Be with the pain. Be with the discomfort. Be with the fear. Be. There is nothing I need to do, nothing I need to work on.  As I sit there in the sand, I am aware of everything I need to know. I'm aware that I have everything I need and I am able of letting go of everything I do not need.  In this moment I cultivate the power within myself to accomplish my deepest desires.  I cultivate the power within myself to find peace with who I am, where I am, and what I am doing.  Right now.  I notice a rising sense of gratitude.  It engulfs me with warm radiance.  Gratitude for this moment. Gratitude for myself. Gratitude for my journey. Gratitude for all the teachers in my life. Gratitude for all the wisdom that Life delivers to me. Deep, deep gratitude.  I know when to get up from my seat, slowly and with intention.  Not because a certain amount of time has gone by, for there has been no sense of time at all here in this sacred space.  I get up when I feel nourished and complete.  I bow to Mama Ocean in her vast, deep, mysterious beauty. I walk back up to the bottom steps and peer back over my shoulder.  The waves reach up and wash away what I've left behind on the sand.  My footsteps are the only remnants of my presence there. I begin to climb the stairs back up the hill, choosing to pass by what I took off on my way down.  Not feeling the need to pick up my parcels,  as I am equipped with newly cultivated treasures of power and gratitude, knowing this is all I need.  

We all have a sacred place to visit.  A space where we can lay out our Truth and expose our whole selves.  A space where we can let go. 

The power within you is waiting to be cultivated.

This is my holy place.

I come here and surrender all that I carry.

I let go of all that I hold on to.

It is here that I am renewed.

Refreshed.

It is here I find my center.

I breathe through discomfort,

I move deeper into newness

Within myself, into the world around me.

My body,

a microcosm of the larger experience.

By connecting deep within.

I exist in a more authentic way with out.

Each time I come onto the mat

I reminded that I am  equipped with all that I need

by trusting myself, I activate my deepest desires

and align with my highest self.

The light of Divinity in me bows to the Light of Divinity in you.

~Namaste~