My life continues to shift in a way I never saw coming.  I continue to deepen my relationship with myself, thus transforming my relationship with the world around me.  I find myself doing things that I have always wanted to do.  My life has come into form in such a way I never thought possible.  That is due, largely in part, because of the generosity of others.  I feel deeply blessed and immensely grateful for the ways I am being supported.  It is making it possible for me to have this unique opportunity of soul-stretching, mind-opening, personal growth.  

Lately, I've been asked different variations of the question, "what are you doing?"  This could elude ro anything from at the current moment, to with my life in general.  In the past I was able to come up with a pretty quick, clear and acceptable answer, "I'm a ________" or "I plan to __________" However, lately these simple, yet loaded questions, have been more difficult for me to answer. To me, it's no mystery what I'm doing.  I am living.  Breathing. Growing.  Learning. Participating in life. Getting to understand myself fully so that I may fully give of myself.  I meditate often, do yoga daily.  I do what probably looks like a whole lot of nothing.  But I tell ya.  The difference in my experience with life in general is entirely different than my life a year ago. There is no need to attempt to embellish or come up with a catchy delivery.  The Truth is fascinating all on it's own.  We allow our own fears to stop us of from living our dreams.  I do.  You probably do.  In someway or another we tell ourselves "we can't" and therefore we don't.  

I started noticing how often I told myself that in the course of a week, a day even.  It was shocking.  After I began to notice this pattern, I began opening to the possibility that perhaps in fact, I can. Suddenly, I realized how powerful this made me.  In exploring this more, I realized that the things I told myself I couldn't do, actually broke down to the things that scare me.  In fact, this shift began taking place in Nepal.  Gosh, many times we had no idea what we were doing. We began our day with no plan, no expectation, and ended it having had the most incredible experiences. I remember discovering a set of stone steps going up a mountain that we had already been hiking up for a while.  We had no clue how high the steps went, or what we would find at the top of them.  We just kept going.  After a while it got soft of meditative.  Step. Step. Step. As we all wondered aloud if we should continue to follow the steps, a group of ancient looking women tromped past us on their way down shouting, "Shiva Puri! Shiva Puri!" waving towards the top of the mountain. They all carried baskets on their heads, some with canes and those with shoes on wore thin sandals. We decided that Shiva Puri must be some beautiful temple at the top of the mountain, which these women just came from, and we would definitely be able to do the hike if these women were on their way down. Step. Step. Step. I remember my legs burning, and even despite a bit of a chill to the air, I took off a layer I had sweat through. The physical challenge was only one piece. Becca burst into tears at one point out of frustration with the uncertainty of whether or not we should continue on.   I told her that I wasn't thinking about what was at the top, I was just taking it one step at a time. If I looked up ahead of me and saw the never-ending set of stairs, I would start to feel exhausted, but when I just looked down at the one step ahead of me, I felt fine. After what felt like a million stairs, the stone steps stopped and a treacherous trail began.  Okay, treacherous is an overstatement for dramatic effect.  A trail nonetheless was a relieving break from the stairs and gave us hope we were near the top.  It was still quite a hike before the trail leveled off onto a grassy patch  that seemed to be the top.  Yes, it was that anti-climactic that we weren't even sure we'd made it to the top.  However, I felt no disappointment.  I was overjoyed that we had made it to the top despite the haze that prevented us from seeing the backdrop of the Himalayan Mountain Ranges. We laid in the soft green grass under the sunshine and allowed our pulses to regulate and our bodies to rest.  We breathed in the fresh, crisp air and laughed at ourselves.

Anything is possible.  Our approach to life is our choice and is what determines our experience here.  Fearlessly allowing our true vision to surface.  Letting doubt slip away as we patiently and confidently move, one step at a time while letting go of the expectation of a certain outcome. For then, it doesn't matter if there is a temple or not - We are just happy to be here now. 

 

Life is good.  I mean that.  Life is amazing. 

Why do we suffer? What is is that truly causes us anger, sadness, discomfort, fear? Why did we believe it when someone told us, "life is hard?"  That is the biggest fallacy of humankind. Life is work. Life is messy. Life is not always easy, or kind, of fair.  But life is good. 

Really none of this is any secret.  The big "secret" to life, the key to happiness?  Sitting right under our nose.  Or, under our feet really.  Despite our constant haggling about who is right about God (the unnecessary bloodshed, catastrophic loss of human life), there is no denying the absolutely amazing, perfect and Divine work of Mother Nature.  Whatever house in which you worship, whatever party you register as, witnessing the cycle of a garden is a Miracle. Sitting near a river watching the vast, silent and complex eco-systems is a Miracle.  I was blown away when I learned that forest fires actually help support the health of a forest.  What needs to go, Mother Nature takes care of.  Nature is a miracle.  She's bountiful, resilient, and generous. We're part of that insurance policy by being here on this earth. How luck we are! 

And somehow we certainly do a good job at making life hard.  We even seem to enjoy giving ourselves things to worry about. We've created schedules that are too full for a walk in the park, a swim in the ocean, an afternoon under a tree with no one to talk to but the birds.  We've come up with every excuse in the book to keep us from stillness.  Silence. A chance to deeply connect with our Selves and to deeply connect with the living world around us.  In fact, despite our technological advances in science, industry and medicine, it seems to me that the world is a far more dangerous place today than possibly ever.  And that came from us.  That is man-made. We are sick, unhappy, and most unfortunate unfulfilled. 

Alas, each day we have countless opportunities to change that. Each and every moment there is a chance to wake up. Shift our perspective, shift our awareness, shift our experience with life. I have found that connecting to Earth, has helped me to make this shift; to connect with myself, my inner visions and a depth of Spirit I could never convey in words.  This shift has transformed me in a way I hope for all the people I know and love to experience for themselves.  To find love in each person, moment, place. To have complete, unconditional, undeniable faith.  To truly treat the other beings around us as we wish to be treated. To share. To learn. To shed and harbored judgment, patterns or habits that are destructive to our soul. To be patient with each other and with ourselves. For that's when life gets good.

Despite all that moves in the other direction, even amidst a world with a fast pace to a certain, yet unknown destination, I feel compelled to slow down and pay attention.  I find myself noticing things for the very first time, whether it is the refreshing scent of my fingers after peeling an orange, or something deep within myself that I never saw before. In each new environment, each new moment, what I always come back to is a new understanding of myself. It's as if all that is around me, the people, places, events, and opportunities, are all mirrors showing me different pieces of myself. How I respond to these outer experiences reflects where I am with myself.  Do I react quickly out of a place of anger? Or do I stay present and aware, breathing and coming back to love? Do I make assumptions, or do I ask questions to seek understanding? Do I criticize and/or judge myself, or do feel trust and confidence in myself?  Asking questions like these has helped me to understand myself in a way that is deep, vast and enlivening.

As a new year begins to unfold around us, I embrace this opportunity to check in with myself'; look at the different parts of my life and notice what's there.  Letting go of the reflex to judge or criticize, and just embrace all that I am.  With a deep and grounded relationship with myself, I choose new commitments that I feel will support my growth, and I re-evaluate old patterns that may be stifling me.

Remembering I can always come back to breath, connect in with what I feel my Source is and know it is all good. Life is not something to move through with fear, anger or misery.  Life is to be loved, and we are meant to love.

Like I tree, I yearn to for strong roots, connecting me to my Source.  With a sturdy trunk, helping me to stand tall. With branches that reach up, up, up, stretching towards the light without a question or doubt as to where or how. If an acorn ever knew the job that lay ahead, do you think it would believe it would grow into an Oak tree?

In gratitude to all of you for moving along your journeys, spreading you love and light.  Shine on. 

May we slowly dissolve the world we've created that separates us from Divinity and connect closer to the miracle of life that connects us all as  
one human family.

We are the light of the world.

Within me, the smolding embers ignite.

Passion lights up my soul,

sparks my spirit.

I will not stifle it.

I will not smother it.

I will nurture the burning yearning.

I will set free my firey essence.

Shine, shine shine. 

For that is why we are here.

To light up ourselves,

to light up the world.

It's all a matter of...

Through confusion comes breakthrough. Confusion is a good word to describe my current state of mind.  To me, admitting confusion allows room for curiousity, learning and growth. I am experiencing all of these at such a rapid, transforming rate, that it's hard to keep up with it all.  In fact, something I've realized is that my experience with what is unfolding around me is not altered whether or not I capture it in writing.  I used to worry that if I didn't take pictures, I wouldn't remember the experience.  I've found that if I stop worrying about capturing the moments, I experience a much richer feeling of presence that is far more fulfilling than a photo album.  Not to say, of course, that I don't thoroughly enjoy a nice photo album. 

Hm, I wondered how I would start this one.  I didn't know it'd go quite like that.  Anyways, I'm feeling a sense of momentum here that I've been missing, so I'm just going to roll with it.  Perspective, detachment and expectation are these heavy concepts, or rather words that represent heavy concepts, which I have been exploring. By exploring I mean life has smacked me with an experience, event, person, challenge, or all of the above, so that I learn a very valuable lesson. A lesson that helps me peel back layers of conditioning so that I may continue to tap deeper into my Self.  A lesson that opens my heart, stretches my soul and gives my spirit room to flurish.  A lesson that sometimes comes at some cost of heartache, sadness, or frustration, but leaves me with confidence, clarity, and wisdom.

Walking down the street in San Francisco I noticed a sign on a brick building that had two phrases on it.  One phrase was written right-side-up and read: Love will free your soul. Underneath that, and written upside down it read: Love will only break your heart..  I found that in order to read the phrase that was upside down I had to stop and cock my head to the side. I stood there like that and read the phrase outloud - can you just visualize that for a moment? It dawned on me: It all depends on how you look at it.

Our perspective shapes our interaction with the world around us and we have the ability to shape our it.  Our perspective is actually made up of the millions of pieces of who we are: our past experiences, our old habits, our fears, and our expectations. Perspective is the crows nest on the vessel we steer through life. It is our outlook to the world.  Taking time to think about and explore your perspective is a hugely rewarding practice.  I have found that it's helped me truly identify patterns that weave through my life. It has also helped me see that happiness truly is a choice, and fun really is a feeling. Once we create some space to explore perspective, we realize we can shift our perspective.  Once we shift our perspective, of course, things start to look different.  Things eventually become different and change is created.  Perspective. It is truly the catalyst to coming into the present moment and beginning to understand the choices we have in our interaction with the world around us, our relationships with ourselves and the people around us, our level of fulfillment from the things we do, and the fullness to which we get to know ourselves.

Through confusion comes breakthroughs.  Surrender to the unknown occasionally, revel in curiousity, exercise your imagination.

A kind reminder.

Okay I've been a little distracted lately, in fact this is my third attempt at a beginning here.  I'm trying to hard to be poetic and it's really hanging me up. Fortunately, what I've realized  is that it isn't necessary for me to doll this up and put a silver lining on it.  My purpose is share my experiences with you, because I know we are on this journey together and we can learn from each other. If you are choosing to come here, spend time with me, and allowing me to share with you, then somewhere in your consciousness you are already aware of your evolution.  You are already transforming. Shedding layers of old conditioning so you may step into your full Self and live life at your fullest expression.  A reminder.  That's what this is all about, remembering who we are and why we are here.  

Anyways, here we are and I'm so glad you came.  I've been a little resistant to sitting and writing lately and I think it's because I've been so inundated with learning, I've been a bit intimidated by the task of articulating it.  Like I said, I was trying to think of an elequent, eye-catching start, but really I just want to cut right to the chase:
Life will always give us exactly what we need when we need it.  We have created the reality we live in, and we have the power to change it.  Look aroung you. Everything in your reality is there because you manifested it.  You asked for it, prayed for it, worked towards it, or feared.  Life give us exactly what we need to continue to evolve, and we are either open to it or we aren't.  I have been learning so much, I couldn't even begin to try to explain it.  It wouldn't matter much anyways, because the lessons life is teaching me wouldn't necessarily aid you in your personal journey.  We're heading in the same direction of course, but we our needs are quite unique.  So what life is giving me and teaching me of course resonates so deeply with me and I want to rush back here and tell you all about it, but then I remember that it will serve you in a different way, or possibly not at all.  I think more than anything I've realized that taking time to ask ourselves questions is often very difficult, but usually very helpful.  So in finally creating the space to come be with you, I want to pose some questions, stir up thoughts, and possibly shed some new perspective on things.  That's what this all comes down to anyways right? Perspective.  And of course our attachments to things.  Our expectations of ourselves and others.  What does all of this mean to you? What is your perspective? What has shaped that perspective? What is your first thought in the morning? Those first few moments when we are just coming back into our physical consciousness after hours of exisiting in our subconscious.  It can be a very vulnerable time, and we sometimes miss it all together by waking up to a blaring alarm clock and rushing out of bed.  I don't know about you, but sometimes it takes me several moments to even realize where I am in the morning.  I sometimes wake up feeling lingering emotions from my dreams, and sometimes I wake up laughing.  We know very little about where we go when we dream, or maybe some people know lots about it - I know very little.  But I do know that those first few moments in the morning have the potential to set us up for our whole day.  What are those moments like for you?

You see, so many people (including myself) have gone far and wide searching for answers. We read all sorts of books, buy all sorts of gear, look to teachers, gurus and guides hoping to get answers.  The answers, of course, are within you, have always been within you, and will always be within you. We just need to remember to ask questions. Be curious.  Life will give us exactly what we need, if we are open to recieving it.