Slow down. Simplify. Surrender

What to say? The thoughts, emotions and experiences running through me, simply cannot be expressed with merely words.  On the brink of change, the tides shift beneath me as I stay present in my body.  The experience of change allows for the practice of maintaining my sense of conscious awareness. It's easy to lose that in the chaos.  As the bags get packed, unpacked and repacked; stuff gets shuffled about and given away.  My outer experience is being dismantled, uprooted and moved yet my inner Self stays centered, grounded and present. 

Each moment I am reminded to slow down. When I move too quickly, rather than accomplishing things faster, I lose sync with myself usually resulting in missing a step, forgetting something or losing something. I am reminded of a slogan my middle school gym teacher used to enforce, "speeding gets your no where fast." I slow down.

In slowing down I am more aware, seeing things I didn't notice in my haste. I see more clearly the things I do not need, and feel more consciously that which ways me down.  At a slower pace I am able to pare down, weed out and simplify.  I simplify.

As I slow down and simplify I notice this sense of freedom. I don't recognize it as freedom first, though. Initially I feel as though maybe I'm lacking something or missing out on something. It seems strange and unfamiliar to move at this pace and relinquish that which I've been holding on to for so long.  Yet, I soon begin to see that I have the ability and power to surrender.  Surrender my fears, surrender my expectations, surrender my doubt and surrender the need to control. Surrender into the natural flow that is slow and simple. I surrender

In this time of change, on the brink of all that is known and all which remains a mystery, I slow down, simplify and surrender.

Chasing freedom.

An interesting insight that moving offers, is the experience of life with less stuff.  As I pack up, I pare down and soon I am left with only the bare necessities.. This offers a sense of space in which I notice a simplicity that is both unfamiliar and calming. Fewer decisions to make, things available at an arms length. Less stuff around to complicate, crowd, and distract. This spacious simplicity fosters a feeling of freedom.

Ah yes, this reflection of my physical space mirrors the shifting that has been happening within my Self energetically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Noticing the "clutter" that has built up within me in the form of old beliefs, self-degrading conversations, and unhealthy patterns. Recognizing this unnecessary "stuff" I've been carrying around, and slowly allowing it to unhinge from within me. As I let go of this baggage, again I  notice a most delicious, exciting sense of freedom.

Throughout my journey I have found myself yearning for a sense of freedom.  I thought that this feeling of freedom would come when I finally had enough money.  Then when I had the money, I decided that what I lacked was enough time.  When I had all the time in the world, it seemed like what was holding me back were resources, geographical location, the right pair of shoes.  It seemed that Freedom was something that continued to slip from within my reach, the path always blocked. 

As I take a moment to reflect, I realize that Freedom has been here all along. The money, time, resources, and other excuses, were just different versions of fear. What I see now is that Freedom is not having, Freedom is surrendering into the simple Truth that everything we need is within. Freedom sprouts when we remove the clutter in our physical, emotional and spiritual realms, and drop into the current of Natural, Divine flow. Here and now we are already free.

Same place. Same time. New perspective.

Life goes by. Moments pass, experiences fade into what was, and suddenly here I am, standing in a place in time that I once looked forward to from another place in time. Or really, here I am standing in the present moment, a place I looked at from the present moment. How strange.  It seems that even as I turn the pages in my agenda book, or flip through the months on my calendar, I really am never anywhere else but right here, now. I plan and organize so that when I get there, I am ready.  But then when I get there, I realize I am still here.  Even as the sun sets & rises, all we have is here.  As the moon waxes and wanes, all we have is now. I realize, the only thing that truly changes is my state of mind. In this place in time, where I always am, I have a new perspective.

So perhaps what's new is actually not this place, not this time.  Perhaps, what is new is me.  What has changed is me. Maybe, time is only the illusion of Life happening to me. New parts of myself that are open. Other parts of myself that have unhinged and I no longer carry with me.  And perhaps I can surrender the feelings of needing more time, a different place.  I can surrender deeply into this moment.  Knowing, trusting that all I need is here, now. 

Falling is like this

Once I let go, I fell

into a place at once foreign and familiar.

A place where my heart speaks louder than my doubt.

Where my soul sings louder than my fear.

Once I let go, I fell

into alignment with my deepest self.

Old patterns recognized and removed.

Practicing, learning, growing, burning.

Once I let go, I fell.

Dropping ever more into a state of awareness

of my Self, my interactions, my conversations, my intentions.

Falling. 

Into Love.

Into Life.

Into Light.

It's time to let go, and fall.

A rant & rave.

My hope is  that we begin see beyond this eco-friendly, green gimmick that is being shoved down our throats as sustainable. To sustain something is to nourish it. To keep it alive.  More production and more consumption, even if it is toxic-free, organic, raw, or whatever the catchphrase of the week is, is not nourishing anything other than our egos. We tell ourselves we need this or that to stay warm, stay cool, stay blemish-free, stay awake, stay asleep.  We have fallen prey to the illusion that the thing outside of ourselves will bring us peace, fulfillment and love. As an industrialized, "advanced" society, we are enslaved to the vicious and aggressive cycle of production and consumption that is zapping our resources, destroying habitats, and bringing us more and more out of balance with Nature.

 I don't believe it's always been this way, in fact I think there are still many cultures that live in harmony with Earth instead of constantly disrupting and destroying it. As an industrialized society, we view these cultures as primitive, underdeveloped perhaps.  Yet take a another look and maybe we'll notice the ways in which their simple, natural and ancient approach to life here on Earth offers a sense of abundance, joy and peace that we don't come close to here in this Country (or other parts of the industrialized world). 

It seems to me that we are in fact the primitive culture. We are so reliant on things, so dependent on a consistent level of comfort, that we have completely abandoned our basic survival instincts that play a crucial role in helping to recognize what is good for us and what will bring us harm. Christ, many people do not even understand the process their food underwent to make it to their plate. We have gotten so wrapped up in a material world of commerce, that we continue to neglect any accountability for how our actions affect those around us including not just people, but animals, trees, the air we breathe and the water we drink.

Instead, we invest our energy and our money into perpetuating the destruction. The lifestyle of a typical Industrialized culture is counter productive in terms of sustainability, health, environmental preservation, and attaining a sense of peace and harmony. Violence will not get us there. Money will not get us there. Greed will not get us there. As a society we need to learn to break our addictions to excess. Break our addictions to things. Break our addiction to bigger, faster, more. We need to wake up to the destruction we don't even realize we participate in.  


Truly, we are the younger brother, the primitive culture. For as a society, we have not yet learned to ride without our training wheels, not yet liberated from the attachments and addictions of a materialism, consumerism and industry. 


Alas, there is hope. We can learn from indigenous cultures, we can learn from nature, we can learn from the garden growing in our backyard.  The power of Mother Nature, the force of this Earth is readily available for us to tap into at any moment. 

A good starting place is being grateful.  I try to take a few moments out of my day, usually in the morning and in the evening, and share gratitude. Gratitude ushers in a higher level of awareness to the present moment, and when we are present in the now we are able to make conscious, healthy choices that support, nourish and sustain. 



Thank you and many blessings <3

 I am learning to Surrender. 

Surrender my worries about what others think.

Surrender the stories I've told myself for too long.

Surrender my expectations.

Surrender the patterns I've fallen into unconsciously.

Surrender the attempt to control, steer and manipulate.

Surrender the need to understand. 

Surrender my attachments to specific outcomes.

Surrender  the need to have and to hold on to things.

Surrender into the here and now.

Surrender into the my deepest and truest Self.

What is there when I let this all go? Space.

There is only now.

Sometimes I don't start things, 

because I don't know where I'll end up.

Sometimes I don't start things,

 because I'm afraid I'll get lost along the way. 

I stay here a few paces before start,

tossing the dice in my hand hoping for the perfect roll.

Unfolded in front of me
the gameboard of life.
But if I don't make a move
I know I can't make the wrong one.

It's time to go The voice whispers. 

It doesn't matter where you end up.

On this journey there is no such thing as lost. 

There is only now.