playing a bit of catch up.

Beginning sentences are always tough for me. I’m looking to captivate my readers, but at the same time it’s so hard to decide how to kick things off. I’ve recently had some huge transformations, shifts, breakthroughs, realizations and it’s just difficult to explore them in a way that is helpful and inspiring to others, which is really my goal here. The way my life has unfolded over the past several months has been one long, beautiful, awakening journey and I want to share it with you so that you too can see that our realities are ours to create. That’s what I realized a while back, and I made it my mantra. Now here I am, in this wonderful place, with these amazing opportunities, lovely people, invaluable experiences.


At this very moment I am tucked away in the Illinois River Valley of Southwest Oregon living and working on a small, family run farm. Whether I am trimming lavender in the garden, swimming in the refreshing river in the warm sunshine, or organizing handcrafted soap, I sometimes catch myself thinking, "How did I end up here?" I left the East Coast and all I knew, and stepped into so much unknown, trusting my heart and listening to my spirit. Each experience along the way has filled me with so much confidence, joy, knowledge, and insight.

Portland allowed me to begin to feel my own two feet under me. I was able to adjust to being so far away from my previous lifestyle in the comfort of family and friends. I whipped around the city on my bike taking it all in; the people, smells, opinions, arcades, and beer that Portland has to offer. I stopped to smell the flowers, do yoga and learn some bicycle maintenance. I also realized that as much as Portland is an amazing city, far more dynamic and progressive than anywhere else I’ve lived, it’s still a city. My heart felt a tad restless and try as I might, I just couldn’t completely plug in. I decided to let go of the desire to attach and just feel where my flow was pulling me.

I ended up at the unbelievably incredible Oregon Country Fair. I was offered a very rare opportunity to work a booth at the fair with some friends who make their own handcrafted products.  Saying yes to this opportuinty has opened so many doors. What a magical experience. The Fair kind of pulled me in, nourished me, took good care of me and set me free. I danced, I sang, I connected, I completely and entirely let go of any insecurities I’ve felt about myself. On the surface, the Fair is three days of music, arts, forums, handcrafted products, parades, good food, and conscious vibes. It takes place on a beautiful 400 acre plot of enchanted forest that has so much history to it. Take a closer look and one will find that the Fair is a completely conscious event which takes good care of the Earth, giving all who attend a chance to live to their full expressions.  Clothing optional, fairywings encouraged, singing by an open fire, dancing to the beat of a hundred different drums, feeling myself swept away by the current of life. I allowed myself to breath deep and let go.

 I was offered an opportunity to work at a second music and arts festival in North California with the same family I worked with at the Fair, which I accepted with gratitude and excitement. In the week between festivals I camped in Ashland behind Em’s house and just took some time to digest some of the huge shifts I felt happening with me. I explored some new types of yoga, laid in the sunshine, swam in the creek, danced to music and slept under the stars. I had lots of time to connect with myself and check in about how I felt about the flow my life was riding. Each day I woke up and meditated on my intentions. Each day I reminded myself to let go and trust. Let go of my anxieties, worries, insecurities and expectations. Trust that God, Spirit, Creator, Mother, Father, was taking care of me, as long as I kept my heart open and my intentions selfless.
The festival in California was a completely different experience then the Country Fair, and opened me, inspired me, and nourished me in wonderfully diverse ways. I had quite an insightful spiritual reading, which reminded me to stop paying so much attention to the details of every step and trust that I am headed in the right direction. I was reminded that I have a strong mind, leadership qualities and a fiery soul. I will leave footprints wherever I go. I was told to forget the current of life, for I have wings and once I trust myself enough, I will fly. This I know, this I’ve always known.

So now that we are in the dog days of summer, I am spending my time tucked far away in the Siskiyou Mountains, surrounded by the beauty of nature everywhere I look.  I am learning new skills, and gaining a refreshing new view of life.  I am so disconnected from technology and mainstream life, and so able to connect with nature and my Self. I know the Universe in her wise ways has lead me here.  I don't waste time questioning or doubting, because I feel completely fulfilled every moment of every day.  I wake up excited for what the day will bring, and I go to bed feeling satisfied. nurished, and grateful. I’ve had some really interesting experiences with my heart lately too. I’ve learned a lot about my desires around love and how in many ways what I’m lacking most is self-love. I tend look for a certain kind of acceptance and love from others, when in fact I am actually learning to completely and unconditionally love myself. I am aware that until I can fully do this, I won’t really be open to love coming into my life, even if it’s right there in front of me. I think more than anything, what I’m learning is that I have convinced myself for some crazy reason, that I am not worthy of being loved unconditionally for who I am. I have trained myself to believe that I am not deserving of being loved, understood, and accepted. Slowly and deeply I am beginning to untangle that knot of lies. I am learning so much about myself that I love, and I realize that my life will take me exactly where I need to go. Along this journey I will meet people who will love me, teach me, accept me, and understand me. In fact, everyday I am told by an amazing 6 year old that she loves me with all heart and I am her favorite person in the world (after her ma, pa and little sis). How lucky am I?! What it comes down to is that Love comes to us in many different forms. I am showered with love from my own amazing family; I am showered with love from the wonderful friends I’ve had and the wonderful friends I’ve recently met; I am showered with love from the sunshine, moonshine, vast sky filled with wonder, from the refreshing river and the lush garden. I am so abundant that sometimes it takes my breath away.
We create our own realities. My life looks entirely different than it did a few months ago. It will continue to evolve as I move along my path. I encourage you, ask you, beg you, to tell yourself each morning as you wake up: I create my own reality. Each night before you go to bed: I create my own reality. Each afternoon you sit in traffic, make lunch, check your email, go to the store: I create my own reality. We do not have to live someone else’s dream or fulfill someone else’s destiny. Life is far too juicy to not take a huge bite out of.






Much love and countless blessings.