Same place. Same time. New perspective.

Life goes by. Moments pass, experiences fade into what was, and suddenly here I am, standing in a place in time that I once looked forward to from another place in time. Or really, here I am standing in the present moment, a place I looked at from the present moment. How strange.  It seems that even as I turn the pages in my agenda book, or flip through the months on my calendar, I really am never anywhere else but right here, now. I plan and organize so that when I get there, I am ready.  But then when I get there, I realize I am still here.  Even as the sun sets & rises, all we have is here.  As the moon waxes and wanes, all we have is now. I realize, the only thing that truly changes is my state of mind. In this place in time, where I always am, I have a new perspective.

So perhaps what's new is actually not this place, not this time.  Perhaps, what is new is me.  What has changed is me. Maybe, time is only the illusion of Life happening to me. New parts of myself that are open. Other parts of myself that have unhinged and I no longer carry with me.  And perhaps I can surrender the feelings of needing more time, a different place.  I can surrender deeply into this moment.  Knowing, trusting that all I need is here, now. 

Falling is like this

Once I let go, I fell

into a place at once foreign and familiar.

A place where my heart speaks louder than my doubt.

Where my soul sings louder than my fear.

Once I let go, I fell

into alignment with my deepest self.

Old patterns recognized and removed.

Practicing, learning, growing, burning.

Once I let go, I fell.

Dropping ever more into a state of awareness

of my Self, my interactions, my conversations, my intentions.

Falling. 

Into Love.

Into Life.

Into Light.

It's time to let go, and fall.

A rant & rave.

My hope is  that we begin see beyond this eco-friendly, green gimmick that is being shoved down our throats as sustainable. To sustain something is to nourish it. To keep it alive.  More production and more consumption, even if it is toxic-free, organic, raw, or whatever the catchphrase of the week is, is not nourishing anything other than our egos. We tell ourselves we need this or that to stay warm, stay cool, stay blemish-free, stay awake, stay asleep.  We have fallen prey to the illusion that the thing outside of ourselves will bring us peace, fulfillment and love. As an industrialized, "advanced" society, we are enslaved to the vicious and aggressive cycle of production and consumption that is zapping our resources, destroying habitats, and bringing us more and more out of balance with Nature.

 I don't believe it's always been this way, in fact I think there are still many cultures that live in harmony with Earth instead of constantly disrupting and destroying it. As an industrialized society, we view these cultures as primitive, underdeveloped perhaps.  Yet take a another look and maybe we'll notice the ways in which their simple, natural and ancient approach to life here on Earth offers a sense of abundance, joy and peace that we don't come close to here in this Country (or other parts of the industrialized world). 

It seems to me that we are in fact the primitive culture. We are so reliant on things, so dependent on a consistent level of comfort, that we have completely abandoned our basic survival instincts that play a crucial role in helping to recognize what is good for us and what will bring us harm. Christ, many people do not even understand the process their food underwent to make it to their plate. We have gotten so wrapped up in a material world of commerce, that we continue to neglect any accountability for how our actions affect those around us including not just people, but animals, trees, the air we breathe and the water we drink.

Instead, we invest our energy and our money into perpetuating the destruction. The lifestyle of a typical Industrialized culture is counter productive in terms of sustainability, health, environmental preservation, and attaining a sense of peace and harmony. Violence will not get us there. Money will not get us there. Greed will not get us there. As a society we need to learn to break our addictions to excess. Break our addictions to things. Break our addiction to bigger, faster, more. We need to wake up to the destruction we don't even realize we participate in.  


Truly, we are the younger brother, the primitive culture. For as a society, we have not yet learned to ride without our training wheels, not yet liberated from the attachments and addictions of a materialism, consumerism and industry. 


Alas, there is hope. We can learn from indigenous cultures, we can learn from nature, we can learn from the garden growing in our backyard.  The power of Mother Nature, the force of this Earth is readily available for us to tap into at any moment. 

A good starting place is being grateful.  I try to take a few moments out of my day, usually in the morning and in the evening, and share gratitude. Gratitude ushers in a higher level of awareness to the present moment, and when we are present in the now we are able to make conscious, healthy choices that support, nourish and sustain. 



Thank you and many blessings <3

There is only now.

Sometimes I don't start things, 

because I don't know where I'll end up.

Sometimes I don't start things,

 because I'm afraid I'll get lost along the way. 

I stay here a few paces before start,

tossing the dice in my hand hoping for the perfect roll.

Unfolded in front of me
the gameboard of life.
But if I don't make a move
I know I can't make the wrong one.

It's time to go The voice whispers. 

It doesn't matter where you end up.

On this journey there is no such thing as lost. 

There is only now.

When we step beyond fear, we step into a realm where anything is possible. This new territory can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable at first.  There is so much space where we are used to feeling fear and doubt.  As we allow ourselves to fall into this newfound freedom, our ego-self reaches out to grab onto anything it can hold on to.  But we breathe. We remember that this is what our soul has been yearning for.  There are things we want to do, places we want to go, people we want to interact with - all that exist beyond the barriers our fears erected.  We have tired of running up against these walls in disappointment or doubt.  We are ready to bring these walls down and align with our deepest and truest self.  We are ready to step into our power.  

Doubt your doubts and they vanish.

Feel your fears and they fade.

Let go of your worries and they fail to materialize.

What will it take for us to really get it that life is about letting go?

-Baron Baptiste

Detachment does not mean isolation. It does not mean to be devoid of emotion or enjoyment.  Detachment means living with out attachments that hold us back from our living to our fullest potential.  Attachments to expectations, attachments to patterns, attachments to outcomes and results, attachments to the stories we tell ourselves, attachments to emotions.  We've carried this all around with us for so long, mostly unbeknownst to us. By recognizing these attachments, we can begin to see how they serve us.  Do they leave us feeling empty and disappointed? Do they keep us yearning for more; an insatiable quest for fulfillment? If so, it's time to let go. 

Most of our attachments are so ingrained is us we don't know they are there, and most of these attachments are rooted in fear.  When we take the time to explore where we hold on and why, we reclaim the power to create the reality we desire. 

Explore. Notice. Breathe. Surrender.  You have the power to create the reality you desire.  Your intentions are rooted in the Greater Good and by living to your fullest potential you are making the world a better place.  The time is now.  Step beyond fear into the limitless possibility of your deepest desires. 

Have conversations that matter. Even if they are with yourself.

Life presents us with an array of opportunities, experiences, people and places.  There are always many paths to choose from, and yet only one we can venture down.  I find stillness within myself and I breathe.  I remind myself that I create the reality around me, by responding to it in a way that cultivates love, gratitude, light-heartedness, enjoyment, and happiness.  The power that lies within each of us is deeper than we dare to dream.  In each moment we can learn something, grow, find something to be grateful for, and find something to love.  Remember, re-action is utilizing hold habits or patterns, things from the past.  Responding to the present moment is being in the present moment. 

We always have the ability to stop, breathe, and choose love.

Be love.

Get your glow on.

I will no longer approach this space with fear or doubt.  I will no longer attach to outcome, feedback (or lack there of), nor will I attach to my own expectations of where I will end up when I am finished.  The truth is that I have gift, and that gift is to express myself through writing.  I find it deeply satisfying and rewarding, and at the same time it is so thoroughly enjoyable.  I feel myself slip into a different state of consciousness when I write, as if my thoughts are translated directly into this space without being edited, censored or polished.  That being said I sometimes get caught and need to make changes so that what is read here actually reflects more closely what I intended.  THAT being said I understand that my intentions could be, and most likely are, different from the intentions from whom ever is on the other side of this - ah, Darci, we are letting go of that, remember?

I've come to a few realizations lately:
1) It isn't necessary for me to translate all of my personal experiences into written word.  Enjoyable as it is, I think it can be a distraction, and even worse a turn-off.  I have been doing a tremendous amount of work on myself and certain practices I feel are very sacred to me.  My journey of awakening is unique, as is every one's.  It's not important who we feel guided to learn from, what books we read, what teachings we resonate with more so than others.  It isn't important what jewelry we adorn ourselves with, what we tattoo on our bodies, what bumper stickers we put on our cars or water bottles.  What's important is whether we are learning to surrender to the truth that lies within us. For there is only one truth.  There are many paths, many forms of scripture, many names which we give it.  Only one truth.  One energy. One love.

2) Enlightenment isn't something we attain after rigorous practice, hours of meditation, fasting, detaching from all things.  In fact, Enlightenment isn't something we attain at all. 
                                                      Enlightenment is being. 
             Being present. Being awake. Being mindful. Being kind.
Enlightenment is a unique experience for each of us and we find it by tapping into our truth. Enlightenment is within us whenever we are ready for it. But let's be honest: we live on a planet that works against us in the journey in every way.  A planet that promotes fear, dishonesty, greed, and selfishness.  As much as we would LOVE to exist in a state of Enlightenment at all times, we must remember that we are confined to human form, and confined to this planet (for now). We may experience glimpses of Enlightenment, perhaps when holding an infant, holding your loved one; Maybe you experienced Enlightenment while laying under the night sky on a crystal clear night, or standing on a beach looking at the vast beauty of the ocean.  Perhaps you felt Enlightened while giving a speech, or educating people on what you are passionate about. You may  have felt Enlightened when you expressed kindness to a stranger, or were shown kindness by a stranger. These experiences may have been brief, or they may make up the majority of your existence.  It doesn't matter. Enlightenment isn't attainment of anything.  It is a state of being that is within our reach at any moment.
For me, Enlightenment is dancing. Enlightenment is laughing so hard I can't breathe. Enlightenment is being completely present in the moment. Enlightenment means I feel free of doubt, insecurity, fear and jealousy. Enlightenment is being in love.

Ask yourself what takes you to a state of Enlightenment.  You know the answer.  You have always known the answer.  It lies within you, it's always been there and it will always be there. We owe it to ourselves to ask, listen to the answer and then do it. We owe it to ourselves to experience enlightenment. We owe it to our friends, our family, our children, our parents, and generations to come.

Breathe and receive this. I thank you for reading, it is a joy to share my gift with you.

Dream a new world, dream this world anew

On this day 47 year ago Martin Luther King Jr. inspired a generation to dream.  He broke down barriers, tore through restrictions, and inspired a new reality.  He tapped into his gift and shared his light. He did not play by the rules, he did not allow his fear to paralyze him. Because of his courage, his voice, and his gift, people began to believe in the possibility of a new reality.

 I too have a dream.  I have a dream in which I sing and dance through life completely free. Free of fear.  Free of limitation. Free of doubt. Free of attachment to expectation; attachment to anything, anyone, anyplace. A dream in which I am full of love and light, confidence and courage. 

I have a dream where I inspire everyone around me to tap into their gifts, to see the Divine within themselves.  I am inspired too, of course, by the amazing souls around me. People living to their full expressions, restricted by nothing. 

I have a dream in which all human beings are treated with compassion, generosity and kindness. 

 I have a dream in which I am loved deeply and understood completely. A dream where I am seen and heard. Where I have purpose, balance, and courage. 

I have a dream in which I wake up to this reality.

Something occured

"Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Yes we are going to suffer, yes we are going to have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.
Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back - and at some point everyone looks back - she will hear her heart saying, "What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed upon you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.'"
Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by."
~ Paulo Coelho

Packing.

At this point I am just picking things up and putting them back down in different places.  I feel I have lost all grasp on where things belong.  I'm done trying to organize.  I have no idea where old birthday cards belong, or what one does with snap shots of bygone times.  I was never one to scrapbook per say, I more or less just keep things of sentimental value in a box. I have the beginnings of maybe 3 scrapbooks, but about halfway in I lose steam.  I'm wondering if this process is my hands-on lesson on letting go.  Perhaps it doesn't matter how many pages are filled, or how many collages are made. Perhaps the best way to store an experience is to not store it at all.  Instead, to live it.  To feel it. To breath it in, soak it up and let it run through me.  Then to let it go.  Perhaps it's not the amount of trinkets that fill a shelf, but instead....blink blink. There's that damn cursor waiting on me again.

The Free Box

I didn't anticipate it turning out to be such an ACTIVITY.  When the  the idea of a Free Box first hit me, it seemed like an easy way to get rid of the things I didn't want any more, but didn't feel like they were worth the hassle of selling.  It quickly became a much more intriguing and gratifying experience.  The first items in the free box were a whole bunch of books (quality reads, might I add), old CDs, and a few trinkets.  I tried to watch the Free Box activity from my window, but the awning over the pizza place kept it out of sight.  The only times I got to check on it was when I discovered things to add to it.  My first trip down to the box it was clear it had already been ruffled through. Many, if not all of the CD's were gone and there were several books missing.  I experienced a sense of pure satisfaction as I looked up and down the street thinking of the many people now carrying with them my old possessions. Even more pleasing was the thought that people had sincerely gained something for absolutely FREE that they would enjoy.  I for one can certainly appreciate FREE gifts. 
On my next trip down to the box there was  man sitting on the steps deep into a book.  I said, "oh I'm glad you found a book you like!" He didn't even look up.  Strange, so I kind of snuck a look at the cover.  Tuesday's With Morrie "Never read it, but I heard it's a great read."  Still nothing.  Interesting and curious.  I added a few more things to the box and left the man in peace.  Well he sat there and continued to read for hours.  I kept adding items to the box as quickly as they found new homes with strangers.  Never once did I actually catch someone in the act of taking things, but the mystery was half of the fun. I finally peaked out to see the man was gone from the steps.  I felt a weird, fleeting sense of disappointment.  I went down to check the box, and there was a note scribbled on the corner of one of the flaps, "Thanks for Tuesdays With Morrie! I will pass it along to a Friend ~ Me" I looked up and down the street, he was no where to be seen.  The walk light blinked it's orange hand, the cars and pedestrians moved around me and life in Inman Square continued as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  But in that moment I felt as though pieces of my life were sprinkled all over the place.  I thought of Ms. Rumphius and her Lupines.  I was so content and full of joy.

 Later that evening, as the sun began to go down over Inman Square and the intersection was showered in bubbles, we watched the Free Box Activity from across the street.  It was so fun to see our junk become other people treasures. The Free Box continues to be an important part of this move and even now, Sunday Evening, the box is full and ready to go out on the stoop in the morning.

Every new beginning...

There are moments when I don't feel anything at all. Then there are moments when I am completely overcome with emotion I can't move. I can't really breathe. I have been talking about this and thinking about this for so long and now it's all happening and it's happening fast. With every picture I take off the wall, every book off the shelf I am slowly taking my life here and packing it up. I am taking my things and leaving this place to someone else, for their story to fill this space, decorate these walls, and call this place home. What's even more intense is the thought that next time I wear this, or use this, I'll be so far away from everything I am used to. I won't be here. What makes this experience different than any of the other bajillion times I've moved is that I am leaving this place a completely different person than when I came.

I think this blog is beginning to take a certain twist and I just want you to know I recognize it's happening. I'm beginning to take you on a journey with me, or maybe that's been going on the whole time I'm not sure. But I feel that I don't want to stop writing. It's a type of companionship that I'm not used to.

Breath. In. Out. Wow. I haven't done that in a while. I've felt like the world is moving underneath me and the walls are coming down around me. And I would be lying if I didn't admit that part of me is scared. But not scared in a fearful, anxious way. Scared in an excited, calm, ready way. It's new to me. This is all new to me. I want to remember every moment and I feel so drawn to share it with you. I sort of feel that if you're reading this, there is something going on inside of you too. Something beautiful and something you can't ignore. That's the part of you I'm speaking to. So I pray that you come with me for a little while as I carve my way through this jungle. I'm not sure what direction we're going to go, I only know that I'm following truth. I also know that I'm going to go one step at a time.

Mantra

I let go of all I hold on to

so that I may jump into the current of life.

It's a daunting task to come back to this for a few reasons. One, my mind is reeling with all that's gone on the past few weeks. I also feel like I owe a GOOD post since it's been so long. In this very moment I am pretty confident I am experiencing the inspiration that puts me in a good space to write. In fact, I was writing an email when this all hit me and I realized, okay it's time to update. I'm going to pretty much share what I wrote in my email, and I feel it's necessary to state that so that you know it's not that fresh/orignal, but please don't allow that to diminish the value here. At least, that's how I feel.

I was recently away in Oregon for a few days. I don't want to say it was a vacation, but I guess it was. I wasn't working and I had LOT of fun...so yes, I was on vacation. It was truly a wonderful experience and I think what I enjoyed most about it was the fact that I was completely present the entire time I was there. And the times I felt myself get a little distracted, I practiced breathing and bringing myself back. I said to Em the second day I was in Ashland that I felt as though the mountains were speaking to me. This may sound strange to some of you, but I really felt as though part of me was just generally moved with where I was. I have never been that far away from home. Home meaning a few things including where I lived as a kid, and also meaning everything I am used to. I'm not used to being surrounded by mountains. It's really pretty neat. I'm not going to go into great detail about my trip, because I feel it gets away from the purpose of this post. What I wanted to share with you, is that time goes a whole lot slower when you are actually there for the experience you're having. I'm used to getting really excited for things, and then they come and go and then I'm sad they are over. I always wondered why those things that I most enjoy seem to fly by and the things I don't enjoy drag on. What I realized recently, and hope to be able to practice doing, is that when you just allow yourself to be awake and present to what is going on in that moment, you take whatever it is out of it and continue to move forward. You don't wish to go back to that moment, because you don't need to. It was merely a stepping block for the next moment. Being present is a wonderful gift we all have access to, but most of us forget how to do it, or that we even CAN do it.

This brings me to my next point, we actually have access to a lot of gifts that I think we forget about. We have complete control over how we take care of ourselves, which results in our overall health and well being. Take a look at the news, the paper, or just outside your window really, and it's clear we don't do a very good job with this. It's hard! grocery stores are lined with junk, it can be pretty easy AND cheap to eat unhealthy, we're often too busy to care for ourselves by practicing yoga, meditating, moving our bodies in more direction that standing/sitting. We work too much, don't have enough money, don't know how, don't want to try something new because it's hard and kind of uncomfortable. However, we actually could change this. Now I don't consider myself a political expert by any means, and but I do have my opinion on all of this. An opinion based on what I've seen at my job in the field of Social Work, working with systems of care that attempt to enhance the quality of people's lives; and opinion also based on my own person experience with both Western Medicine alternative healing mechanisms. I'll say this: As a country, and really as a Western Culture, we are in need of reform. We need to REprioritize. How can we even suggest spending more money on intervention at this point? We're creating our own health problems (and financial problems when you think about it) by feeding our children junk (have you seen what school lunches look like these days?), supporting the addiction to technology/sedentary lifestyles/ and pumping people full of chemicals in both beauty products and medications. We have forgotten the idea of "everything in moderation" and have become increasingly more addicted to bigger, faster, stronger, hotter, colder, etc. etc. Our bodies are taking a beating, our earth is taking a beating, and it's time to start looking at it instead of turning the other way.

I think what prevents people from making changes is the idea that we are powerless to actually create any change on our own. This is far from the truth. If each one of us made more of an effort, even in a small way, we would create enormous change. Recyle. Can you believe that so many people still don't recycle? Seperate your glass, plastic and paper and put it in a bin!! Easy as pie. Take shorter showers, walk/bike/take the bus to get there, turn off the lights/heat when you leave the house. Do it for financial reasons and sleep better because it's also GREEN, which if you haven't heard is the new sexy. I am not saying I've mastered this all yet. No way. But I'm trying and to me that's what's important. Be aware of what's going on around you. Ask questions if you don't understand. The point is that each one of us makes a difference. We're either leavers or takers. We either work to promote the greater good, or we work to dismantle it. Think about what you do each day, and decide which one you're supporting. It may not be completely black or white either. Some things you may do are wonderfully generous and kind, taking into account the other people around you, who have come befor eus and who will come after us. Other habits may be more frivolous and excessive. Just notice what they are and ask yourself if you could try making some changes around that. I promise I'll be doing the same thing.

I'm going to end on this note, because I feel that I will be picking here next time I write. It's like a budding idea, similar to the beautiful flowers that have begun to poke through the thawing ground lately- after a little sun, water, and love it will be a beautiful work of nature. The idea of trusting yourself. It's a difficult, and often scary endeavor. What if I'm wrong? What if I mess up or worse, fail competely? What if it hurts or is uncomfortable? I thank my dedicated practice of Bikram Yoga for teaching me that through pain and discomfort comes the most amazing strength and growth. With focus and determination you can achieve whatever you want. If I listen to my heart, really allow myself to catch up with....myself, things will continue to unfold to my desire. Because ultimately my desire is the desire of the greater good. I trust that I have a purpose and that purpose is to help make the world a more beautiful, wonderful, happier, healthier place for us, our children and so on. I thought I knew how I would go about doing that, but I think I'm still figure it out. I have been carving out what it is I don't agree with, support or believe in. Simultaneously I'm realizing what I do believe, what I can change, and what I feel my gifts to offer are. This a beautiful breakthrough which we are all capable of having. I encourage you to find some space, some stillness and some courage to explore this. I promise, you'll find what you're looking for.

Namaste.