Same place. Same time. New perspective.

Life goes by. Moments pass, experiences fade into what was, and suddenly here I am, standing in a place in time that I once looked forward to from another place in time. Or really, here I am standing in the present moment, a place I looked at from the present moment. How strange.  It seems that even as I turn the pages in my agenda book, or flip through the months on my calendar, I really am never anywhere else but right here, now. I plan and organize so that when I get there, I am ready.  But then when I get there, I realize I am still here.  Even as the sun sets & rises, all we have is here.  As the moon waxes and wanes, all we have is now. I realize, the only thing that truly changes is my state of mind. In this place in time, where I always am, I have a new perspective.

So perhaps what's new is actually not this place, not this time.  Perhaps, what is new is me.  What has changed is me. Maybe, time is only the illusion of Life happening to me. New parts of myself that are open. Other parts of myself that have unhinged and I no longer carry with me.  And perhaps I can surrender the feelings of needing more time, a different place.  I can surrender deeply into this moment.  Knowing, trusting that all I need is here, now. 

Falling is like this

Once I let go, I fell

into a place at once foreign and familiar.

A place where my heart speaks louder than my doubt.

Where my soul sings louder than my fear.

Once I let go, I fell

into alignment with my deepest self.

Old patterns recognized and removed.

Practicing, learning, growing, burning.

Once I let go, I fell.

Dropping ever more into a state of awareness

of my Self, my interactions, my conversations, my intentions.

Falling. 

Into Love.

Into Life.

Into Light.

It's time to let go, and fall.

A rant & rave.

My hope is  that we begin see beyond this eco-friendly, green gimmick that is being shoved down our throats as sustainable. To sustain something is to nourish it. To keep it alive.  More production and more consumption, even if it is toxic-free, organic, raw, or whatever the catchphrase of the week is, is not nourishing anything other than our egos. We tell ourselves we need this or that to stay warm, stay cool, stay blemish-free, stay awake, stay asleep.  We have fallen prey to the illusion that the thing outside of ourselves will bring us peace, fulfillment and love. As an industrialized, "advanced" society, we are enslaved to the vicious and aggressive cycle of production and consumption that is zapping our resources, destroying habitats, and bringing us more and more out of balance with Nature.

 I don't believe it's always been this way, in fact I think there are still many cultures that live in harmony with Earth instead of constantly disrupting and destroying it. As an industrialized society, we view these cultures as primitive, underdeveloped perhaps.  Yet take a another look and maybe we'll notice the ways in which their simple, natural and ancient approach to life here on Earth offers a sense of abundance, joy and peace that we don't come close to here in this Country (or other parts of the industrialized world). 

It seems to me that we are in fact the primitive culture. We are so reliant on things, so dependent on a consistent level of comfort, that we have completely abandoned our basic survival instincts that play a crucial role in helping to recognize what is good for us and what will bring us harm. Christ, many people do not even understand the process their food underwent to make it to their plate. We have gotten so wrapped up in a material world of commerce, that we continue to neglect any accountability for how our actions affect those around us including not just people, but animals, trees, the air we breathe and the water we drink.

Instead, we invest our energy and our money into perpetuating the destruction. The lifestyle of a typical Industrialized culture is counter productive in terms of sustainability, health, environmental preservation, and attaining a sense of peace and harmony. Violence will not get us there. Money will not get us there. Greed will not get us there. As a society we need to learn to break our addictions to excess. Break our addictions to things. Break our addiction to bigger, faster, more. We need to wake up to the destruction we don't even realize we participate in.  


Truly, we are the younger brother, the primitive culture. For as a society, we have not yet learned to ride without our training wheels, not yet liberated from the attachments and addictions of a materialism, consumerism and industry. 


Alas, there is hope. We can learn from indigenous cultures, we can learn from nature, we can learn from the garden growing in our backyard.  The power of Mother Nature, the force of this Earth is readily available for us to tap into at any moment. 

A good starting place is being grateful.  I try to take a few moments out of my day, usually in the morning and in the evening, and share gratitude. Gratitude ushers in a higher level of awareness to the present moment, and when we are present in the now we are able to make conscious, healthy choices that support, nourish and sustain. 



Thank you and many blessings <3

There is only now.

Sometimes I don't start things, 

because I don't know where I'll end up.

Sometimes I don't start things,

 because I'm afraid I'll get lost along the way. 

I stay here a few paces before start,

tossing the dice in my hand hoping for the perfect roll.

Unfolded in front of me
the gameboard of life.
But if I don't make a move
I know I can't make the wrong one.

It's time to go The voice whispers. 

It doesn't matter where you end up.

On this journey there is no such thing as lost. 

There is only now.

When we step beyond fear, we step into a realm where anything is possible. This new territory can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable at first.  There is so much space where we are used to feeling fear and doubt.  As we allow ourselves to fall into this newfound freedom, our ego-self reaches out to grab onto anything it can hold on to.  But we breathe. We remember that this is what our soul has been yearning for.  There are things we want to do, places we want to go, people we want to interact with - all that exist beyond the barriers our fears erected.  We have tired of running up against these walls in disappointment or doubt.  We are ready to bring these walls down and align with our deepest and truest self.  We are ready to step into our power.  

Doubt your doubts and they vanish.

Feel your fears and they fade.

Let go of your worries and they fail to materialize.

What will it take for us to really get it that life is about letting go?

-Baron Baptiste

Detachment does not mean isolation. It does not mean to be devoid of emotion or enjoyment.  Detachment means living with out attachments that hold us back from our living to our fullest potential.  Attachments to expectations, attachments to patterns, attachments to outcomes and results, attachments to the stories we tell ourselves, attachments to emotions.  We've carried this all around with us for so long, mostly unbeknownst to us. By recognizing these attachments, we can begin to see how they serve us.  Do they leave us feeling empty and disappointed? Do they keep us yearning for more; an insatiable quest for fulfillment? If so, it's time to let go. 

Most of our attachments are so ingrained is us we don't know they are there, and most of these attachments are rooted in fear.  When we take the time to explore where we hold on and why, we reclaim the power to create the reality we desire. 

Explore. Notice. Breathe. Surrender.  You have the power to create the reality you desire.  Your intentions are rooted in the Greater Good and by living to your fullest potential you are making the world a better place.  The time is now.  Step beyond fear into the limitless possibility of your deepest desires. 

On love..

This day reminds me to reflect on what Love is.  Someone once tried to convince me it was pink and red, smelled nicely and tasted sweet. Another time, I was told it could only be expressed through the confines of romance, intimacy and sex.  And yet even more interesting perspectives elude to love as a thing, measured by it's weight, cut, shimmer and shine.  

These ideas, void of depth and truth.  Mere distractions from what we are aware of within our highest Self. 

Love is immeasurable, ever present, unwavering. Love doesn't come to us, love is within us. Love a way of being, a state of existence and a conscious choice we can make in each and every moment. 

Love is the smoldering embers of your soul that yearn to be ignited.  
Love is the whisper of your deepest desires that beckon to be heard.

Love is who you are at your core.  

You are love.  Immeasurable, ever-present, unwavering.

 "By attempting to organize the future, we aggravate the present moment"

The art of letting go.

I've lost a lot of things lately. First, I let $60 cash slip out of my back pocket while bike riding home. Next, I had just completed a very satisfying blog entry, which came straight from the heart in the midst of a very creatively constipated few days, and in an instant, with the wrong click of a button (or some other kind of unexplained internet error) things froze, and just like that it was gone.  Lastly, and most recently, a friendship that recently took shape of one kind, is slowly shifting into something different - and its here that I realize the lesson here. The opportunity to walk away with something gained, despite material loss. That once an attachment is formed, be it to a thing, person, expectation or outcome, our relationship with it becomes out of balance. I have noticed this to be the case with each example above: the money, the piece of writing, and the friendship gone awry
 
Losing that money jolted me with the reminder to re-evaluate my current relationship with money, and how this relationship is serving me. This has helped me to make new decisions, shift some behaviors and feel more in alignment with my true vision. Letting go of an authentically inspired piece of writing, expressed in tune with my heart, has helped me to recognize that to write is not to preach, and I am unattached to response of review of my creativity. As for the friendship, like each and everyone of them, an opportunity to see my Self.  The trials and tribulations it presents allow me to look at my self and discern my patterns and habits.  Thus, allowing me to continue to deepen my relationship with, and understanding of, who I am.  It's not a matter of searching, really, but discovering from within. 

And so despite loss, I find myself filled with gratitude.

A birthday wish

 I would like for everyone I know to take a few moments for themselves.  Dismantling fear of judgment from others and from yourself, find stillness.  Setting aside political views and religious beliefs, settle into a few moments of silence.  There is no right way, there is no code of conduct or contract. No prerequisites or rules.  Forgive and forget your own assumptions and expectations and close your eyes.  Perhaps this is the first moment of stillness and silence you've afforded yourself all day; your mind is noisy and distracted, your body may be uncomfortable and restless.  Embrace that. Embrace every single thing about you and what may be coming up for you: feelings, emotions, itches. Breathe.  Breathe deep. Breath loudly.  No one is listening, no one is watching.  These moments are yours and yours alone. And you're beautiful.  Everything about you is radiant. You are giving yourself the most wonderfully rewarding gift you could. Your heart thanks yous, your back thanks yous, your lungs and feet and neck thank you. 

I thank you. 

I am in deep gratitude to everyone who carves out time to do this. You've chosen to practice patience, and begin to develop a stronger sense self-compassion. You've chosen to take a step in the direction of Truth.  In a world of violence, hatred and greed, you absolutely cannot go wrong with patience, compassion and truth. Imagine if everyone took time to do this? For just a moment imagine a person you find yourself frustrated with, or angry with. Be it a sibling or a world leader, imagine how different it would be if that person were just a little more patient, compassionate and honest.  

We've done enough damage to ourselves, our planet and each other. We owe  it to our children, our grandparents, our neighbors and our pets. We owe it to the trees, the ocean and the sun. We owe it to ourselves to become a more patient and compassionate person.

Now that you've filled your own self with radiant love, deep compassion and infinite gratitude share this with your friends.  If everyone I know passes this on to everyone they know, maybe one day we really will have a whole world of more patient, compassionate people.  And that would truly be the BEST birthday present in the whole world.

There is Truth within you.

It's all a matter of...

Through confusion comes breakthrough. Confusion is a good word to describe my current state of mind.  To me, admitting confusion allows room for curiousity, learning and growth. I am experiencing all of these at such a rapid, transforming rate, that it's hard to keep up with it all.  In fact, something I've realized is that my experience with what is unfolding around me is not altered whether or not I capture it in writing.  I used to worry that if I didn't take pictures, I wouldn't remember the experience.  I've found that if I stop worrying about capturing the moments, I experience a much richer feeling of presence that is far more fulfilling than a photo album.  Not to say, of course, that I don't thoroughly enjoy a nice photo album. 

Hm, I wondered how I would start this one.  I didn't know it'd go quite like that.  Anyways, I'm feeling a sense of momentum here that I've been missing, so I'm just going to roll with it.  Perspective, detachment and expectation are these heavy concepts, or rather words that represent heavy concepts, which I have been exploring. By exploring I mean life has smacked me with an experience, event, person, challenge, or all of the above, so that I learn a very valuable lesson. A lesson that helps me peel back layers of conditioning so that I may continue to tap deeper into my Self.  A lesson that opens my heart, stretches my soul and gives my spirit room to flurish.  A lesson that sometimes comes at some cost of heartache, sadness, or frustration, but leaves me with confidence, clarity, and wisdom.

Walking down the street in San Francisco I noticed a sign on a brick building that had two phrases on it.  One phrase was written right-side-up and read: Love will free your soul. Underneath that, and written upside down it read: Love will only break your heart..  I found that in order to read the phrase that was upside down I had to stop and cock my head to the side. I stood there like that and read the phrase outloud - can you just visualize that for a moment? It dawned on me: It all depends on how you look at it.

Our perspective shapes our interaction with the world around us and we have the ability to shape our it.  Our perspective is actually made up of the millions of pieces of who we are: our past experiences, our old habits, our fears, and our expectations. Perspective is the crows nest on the vessel we steer through life. It is our outlook to the world.  Taking time to think about and explore your perspective is a hugely rewarding practice.  I have found that it's helped me truly identify patterns that weave through my life. It has also helped me see that happiness truly is a choice, and fun really is a feeling. Once we create some space to explore perspective, we realize we can shift our perspective.  Once we shift our perspective, of course, things start to look different.  Things eventually become different and change is created.  Perspective. It is truly the catalyst to coming into the present moment and beginning to understand the choices we have in our interaction with the world around us, our relationships with ourselves and the people around us, our level of fulfillment from the things we do, and the fullness to which we get to know ourselves.

Through confusion comes breakthroughs.  Surrender to the unknown occasionally, revel in curiousity, exercise your imagination.

Have conversations that matter. Even if they are with yourself.

Life presents us with an array of opportunities, experiences, people and places.  There are always many paths to choose from, and yet only one we can venture down.  I find stillness within myself and I breathe.  I remind myself that I create the reality around me, by responding to it in a way that cultivates love, gratitude, light-heartedness, enjoyment, and happiness.  The power that lies within each of us is deeper than we dare to dream.  In each moment we can learn something, grow, find something to be grateful for, and find something to love.  Remember, re-action is utilizing hold habits or patterns, things from the past.  Responding to the present moment is being in the present moment. 

We always have the ability to stop, breathe, and choose love.

Be love.

Get your glow on.

I will no longer approach this space with fear or doubt.  I will no longer attach to outcome, feedback (or lack there of), nor will I attach to my own expectations of where I will end up when I am finished.  The truth is that I have gift, and that gift is to express myself through writing.  I find it deeply satisfying and rewarding, and at the same time it is so thoroughly enjoyable.  I feel myself slip into a different state of consciousness when I write, as if my thoughts are translated directly into this space without being edited, censored or polished.  That being said I sometimes get caught and need to make changes so that what is read here actually reflects more closely what I intended.  THAT being said I understand that my intentions could be, and most likely are, different from the intentions from whom ever is on the other side of this - ah, Darci, we are letting go of that, remember?

I've come to a few realizations lately:
1) It isn't necessary for me to translate all of my personal experiences into written word.  Enjoyable as it is, I think it can be a distraction, and even worse a turn-off.  I have been doing a tremendous amount of work on myself and certain practices I feel are very sacred to me.  My journey of awakening is unique, as is every one's.  It's not important who we feel guided to learn from, what books we read, what teachings we resonate with more so than others.  It isn't important what jewelry we adorn ourselves with, what we tattoo on our bodies, what bumper stickers we put on our cars or water bottles.  What's important is whether we are learning to surrender to the truth that lies within us. For there is only one truth.  There are many paths, many forms of scripture, many names which we give it.  Only one truth.  One energy. One love.

2) Enlightenment isn't something we attain after rigorous practice, hours of meditation, fasting, detaching from all things.  In fact, Enlightenment isn't something we attain at all. 
                                                      Enlightenment is being. 
             Being present. Being awake. Being mindful. Being kind.
Enlightenment is a unique experience for each of us and we find it by tapping into our truth. Enlightenment is within us whenever we are ready for it. But let's be honest: we live on a planet that works against us in the journey in every way.  A planet that promotes fear, dishonesty, greed, and selfishness.  As much as we would LOVE to exist in a state of Enlightenment at all times, we must remember that we are confined to human form, and confined to this planet (for now). We may experience glimpses of Enlightenment, perhaps when holding an infant, holding your loved one; Maybe you experienced Enlightenment while laying under the night sky on a crystal clear night, or standing on a beach looking at the vast beauty of the ocean.  Perhaps you felt Enlightened while giving a speech, or educating people on what you are passionate about. You may  have felt Enlightened when you expressed kindness to a stranger, or were shown kindness by a stranger. These experiences may have been brief, or they may make up the majority of your existence.  It doesn't matter. Enlightenment isn't attainment of anything.  It is a state of being that is within our reach at any moment.
For me, Enlightenment is dancing. Enlightenment is laughing so hard I can't breathe. Enlightenment is being completely present in the moment. Enlightenment means I feel free of doubt, insecurity, fear and jealousy. Enlightenment is being in love.

Ask yourself what takes you to a state of Enlightenment.  You know the answer.  You have always known the answer.  It lies within you, it's always been there and it will always be there. We owe it to ourselves to ask, listen to the answer and then do it. We owe it to ourselves to experience enlightenment. We owe it to our friends, our family, our children, our parents, and generations to come.

Breathe and receive this. I thank you for reading, it is a joy to share my gift with you.

Something occured

"Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Yes we are going to suffer, yes we are going to have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.
Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back - and at some point everyone looks back - she will hear her heart saying, "What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed upon you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.'"
Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by."
~ Paulo Coelho

"Ms. Tretter why do you have to leave?"

"What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land"
~ Ernesto Che Guevara



Slowly I feel the roots coming up. The knots untangling, the strings detaching. I am experiencing the feeling of tearing away from all I am doing here, all I know here.  Each day that goes by brings with it a new handful of goodbyes and it's fair share of "last times." Each moment presents a new chance to be fully aware of what I am doing.  It's a gift and a challenge at the same time. I have been so blessed to have the people in my life who have helped, encouraged, inspired, and challenged me. From those I have lived with, to those I have only known at a distance and all those in between, each have left me with so much gratitude for their words of advice and their words of caution. I find that as I open up to co-workers, friends, family, almost-strangers about what I'm doing, instantly there is a different connection.  I'm putting my dreams, vulnerabilities and quite spotty plan on the table and each reacts in such a unique way.  Each reaction is a chance for me to recognize my Self in it all.